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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760532">Please Say Something</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renoteen/pseuds/Renoteen'>Renoteen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Blood, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Gay, Meddling TARDIS, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Self-Harm, The TARDIS Ships Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor Era, Whump, Yasmin Khan Loves the Thirteenth Doctor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:28:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renoteen/pseuds/Renoteen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is struggling after the events of the Timeless<br/>Child and so is Yaz.<br/>The Tardis pushes Yaz to talk to The Doctor. But it goes<br/>very wrong.<br/>Neither are at fault really.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Melting Point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yaz woke up completely knackered. <em>Why on earth was she so tired, she'd only slept half the bloody day. </em>She felt so out of sync with the world, being in the Tardis does that to you. Her legs pulled themselves off over the edge of the bed, the floor and her feet touched. It was bitterly cold, she recoiled, muscles tensing through her legs. Somehow she'd tossed and turned so much in the 'night' her long teal coloured fluffy socks had ended up somewhere in between the pile of duvet tossed at the end of the small bed. Yaz loved her bed.</p><p>A few weeks back she had been complaining of bad sleep, she was complaining for all of about ten minutes before the Doctor got up and set to work. The bed was of single size. Yaz loves hugs so the Doc figured she'd feel safer in a smaller bed. The wood was of alien origin but looked similar to the bark of an oak tree. She engraved Yaz's name in Gallifreyan on the head board and also on the sides of the bed in every earth language. The letters filled in with the shiniest burnt gold paint. It glistened under warm light and even glowed in the dark. The Doc may have gotten carried away with that feature, not that Yaz particularly minded.</p><p>The mattress was a type of memory foam from 2082, specifically made to temper bad dreams and provide the best sleep. Or at least that's what the robot shop assistant claimed. To finish it off she had found some deep red, almost burgundy, coloured material and fashioned it into the duvet and pillow covers. She hadn't notice the several gaps in the sewing, it was done free hand after all. It was super silky and deliciously sweet smelling of fresh lemons.</p><p>Yaz loved the aroma of lemons, being that lemonade was her and the Docs favourite beverage. A drink with bubbles! It caused many a laughing fit for the Fam, watching the Doc drink way too much so she could feel the little pops and fizzes in her nose again and again.</p><p>Really Yaz hadn't known how to say thank you for such a gift. She didn’t like to be overly deep when talking to her because then the conversation would inevitably reach a pause and turn unbearably awkward. Neither of them knowing what the hell people say when the talking stops. But the fact the Doc had spent so much of her time to improve Yaz's meant a great deal.</p><p>Yaz put her fluffy socks back on after rummaging through her duvet, slowly making her way towards the console room. As she walked through the tall archway where the console room would usually be situated, a blast of pressurized air shot at her back from behind pushing her into the library. A metal door closed behind her, cutting her off from the hallway. Yaz caught her breath, tucking her baby curls back behind her ears and then looked up.</p><p>The Library was vast. Towering rows of shelves going all the way to the back of the room. Yaz thought it must at least be the length of an Olympic swimming pool. She laughed. <em>That's not humanly possible.</em> A blurt of sassy beeps reminds her that the Tardis, nor the Doctor are human.</p><p>She walked to the middle of the walkway, in between the two rows and picked up the first book on the tilted shelf. It was old and ripped at the edges. But it was clean apart from the front, it must be read often Yaz thought. It wasn’t until she wiped off the splodge of jet black engine oil from the cover, that she realised the title, The History of Gallifrey And It's Noble People. She'd always wanted to know about the Doctor's home. Anyone who had met such an astonishing being would question where this angel fell from. But of course the Doctor doesn't share personal information. It took weeks for Ryan to find out what her favourite colour was and it wasn't even personal! <em>Tardis blue obviously.</em> Yaz realised she probably should put the book back, it was obviously read a lot by the Doc and she wouldn't want to pry into something the Doctor held close and clearly used regularly. The rest of the books were covered in a thick blanket of dust.</p><p>As Yaz turned to slip it back between the dusty books an arm flung out and grabbed her forearm. She screamed and subconsciously went to step away. But the arm maintained contact. Yaz's dark brown eyes looked over to see who was attached to the cold arm. Golden blonde hair hung over her tired hazel eyes. Every strand was poking in the wrong way, not matted but definitely hadn't been brushed. Her face was showing an unnameable expression. A mix of fear and anger. It wasn't until Yaz took a thin breath that she suddenly felt the shaking coming from the other woman's arm. And that the coldness she'd noticed before made her shiver slightly, she was freezing.</p><p>It was the Doctor, but she didn't look like the Doctor. Everything coming from her felt exhausted, empty, tearless and soaked dry. So it's this library then, thanks Tardis. They only broke eye contact when the blonde woman reached for the wooden shelf and used her other arm to hold on to Yaz's even tighter. Her efforts to stay standing failed, she sort of slumped onto the floor. Pulling Yaz and a couple of heavy books with her. They both groaned as they felt the pain bruising into their spines. The Doctor hadn't realised how fragile she'd become. Realising their hands are still touching, the doctor pulled her hand away quickly and lands it on her side. Ribs crunched together as she soaked in every breath, making short gasps. <em>That's what not eating gets you...stupid ribs.</em> Secretly enjoying the pain.</p><p>They watched the dust fall and settle. Yaz with her side against the shelf and the Doctor leaning with her back against the same shelf with her side to Yaz, legs folded. Then the uncomfortable silence ensued, making both of them shift awkwardly.</p><p>
  <em>“Hi” Why on earth would you say that! Oh hey I haven’t seen you in days and I need to ask you a bunch of deep questions and I need to ask you if you’re okay, I mean you’re clearly not but yeah Yaz start the conversation with a casual ‘hi' that won’t make it weird at all. </em>
</p><p>The Doctor blankly stares at her hands for a minute, thinking of what to say. Yaz could feel herself recoiling inwardly with embarrassment, neither of them were good with talking.</p><p>“Yaz"</p><p>It was so soft, so quiet. Not a question, More of an acknowledgement of her actually listening. Yaz’s lips tightened slightly at one end into a very pitiful smile.</p><p>“Why?” Yaz asked.</p><p>Her skin shimmered under the big over hanging light as she raised her arm, rotating her finger , gesturing to the library surrounding them. Hoping that the Doctor caught on to her question. The Doctor pondered her response for a second, deciding Yaz probably wanted her to answer.</p><p>“Reading books."</p><p>Yaz almost snickered at her answer in disbelief. The Doctors answer not satisfactory for her concerns at all, such an agonisingly short answer. She couldn’t believe it, she heard sarcasm in the Doctors tone. She pushed it to the back of her thoughts. <em>She hasn’t slept enough, she’s not trying to be rude. </em></p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>She couldn’t help but stiffen her jaw trying not to show she’s already pissed five seconds into the conversation.</p><p>“I’m good"<em> I should’ve said that softer, you’re such an ass. Smarty pants Time Lord. She ain’t gonna believe that for a second. </em></p><p>“Are you?”</p><p>“Mmhm" <em>Great can't even speak English now. </em></p><p>“Have you eaten?” <em>A</em> <em>Time lord this tired definitely hadn’t eaten anything for a while.</em></p><p>“Why?” <em>I don't want to talk about that Yaz.</em></p><p>“Why what?”</p><p>“I said I’m good" <em>Way to go Doc, being rude again. </em></p><p>“I still need to know if you’re taking care of yourself."</p><p>Both of their demeanours looked defensive now.</p><p>“Why would you care?”</p><p>“Because you are my best friend!” Yaz was basically shouting at her now.</p><p>The Doctor speaking but not actually saying anything. Yaz twisted her tongue between her clenched teeth, trying to stifle the incoming storm about to blow out of her. And then the Doctor opened her mouth, glared into Yaz’s now blackened wet eyes and leaned in slightly.</p><p>“And?”</p><p>Bang! All of the repressed anger, anxiety and the courtesy of not losing her shit on the Doctor just blew up in their faces.</p><p>“Are you actually kidding me?” she scoffed. “I thought you were dead! Then you’re suddenly alive and now it’s like you’re dead again. What happened? What on Earth did he do that was so god damn bad that you can’t even fucking speak to me with an ounce of fucking kindness! I thought you were dead and gone, you left us. Left me! Did you even think about yourself or how it would affect us. Of all the things you do and you chose to go on a suicide mission and then never explain yourself. I feel like your head was left on Gallifrey, who knows where your bloody heart went!”</p><p>Yaz’s chest was raising and falling like huge salty waves. Her hands were scolding hot, her palms clamming up. She could feel her head getting dizzy, all the blood avalanching towards her feet. She clutched the bookshelf, even if she was seated, she sure as hell wasn’t going to faint in front of the Doctor. Not after all that she just screamed at her. Trying to show a strong front she pushed her legs up and wobbled over to the sealed entrance. Her legs felt like jelly and lead all at once.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t fall. Don’t fall. </em>
</p><p>Chanting in her head somehow worked to keep her up. She raised her hand that had been holding her thigh like some kind of a useless crutch. And began pounding at the chilly metal door. Her knuckles whitened and skin scraped from the sheer force of punching so angrily.</p><p>“Yaz stop!” The Doctor went to stand.</p><p>She still felt the need, no, the duty to help. A pang of sickness hit her wavering thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>You can’t make Yaz happy, you’ll break her, like you break everything. Would Yaz even listen to her or ever even look at her again. </em>
</p><p>“Don’t you dare.” Yaz sniped it was vicious, full of gut twisting hurt and she full heartedly meant it.</p><p>The Doctor paused a few meters away from her. Yaz turned her head so her chin touched her shoulder. Staring into nothing in particular, just not at the Doctor. She couldn’t see her hurt right now, Yaz knew what she had just done.</p><p>
  <em> God knows what she’s thinking right now. I can’t take this. </em>
</p><p>Her heart felt like it was so angry it would concave and burst. She felt the presence of the Doctor moving closer, it just made her hit even harder. Her breathing froze. The Doctor reached out and bunched Yaz’s fists together, smothering them in her own hands. Her rough pale fingers protecting Yaz from doing more damage. The woman’s knuckles are bleeding heavily, the Doctor tries to ignore the potent metallic odour pulsing from them. Yaz heaving in air, unable to catch her breath and the Doctor is still unable to control her trembling . Yaz breaks and starts crying onto the Doctor's hands. Desperate eyes rushing tears falling down. Bright tinted blood mixing and pooling into the droplets. The mixture trickles down their thin wrists. Blotching the Doctor's blue top a dark purple and staining Yaz’s soft arm.</p><p>But Yaz couldn’t be that close to the Doctor. It was too much and way too soon. For someone who loves hugs she couldn’t bare the strangling feeling from her friends touch. So many emotions and questions with unknown answers, moments between them from the past and all the pressure of finding the Doctor’s love to be too big for her. <em>With all the Doctor has been through and she's still trying to help me?</em></p><p>“Get off me!” Yaz sobbed. <em>Déjà vu</em>.</p><p>The Doctor retreated her hands, missing the feeling immediately. Her eyes started to pool as she cocked her head slightly. <em>Did I hurt her hands? Have I gone too far? </em></p><p>“I can’t touch you!" Yaz cried, her whole body throbbing.</p><p>Her eyes now puffy and bloodshot. Completely panicking, time blurring. Unexpectedly the locked door opened. Both of them flinch at the cold air that hits them. Yaz couldn’t look the Doctor in the eyes any longer and ran out of the library, leaving a splatter of blood water puddling on the floor. Even the Tardis knew she had to release Yaz. But the machine couldn’t bring herself to close the door behind her. The Doctor was trapped enough in her head, she should have the chance to go to Yaz. But she couldn’t move. </p><p>
  <em>I knew it, broken.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Escaping Reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doctor and Yaz haven't talked for 2 days. Yaz is isolating herself and the Doctor needs to get her mind off of it, luckily the universe provides a small bundle of distraction. However nothing comes without consequences and the Doc has no idea whats coming.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thumbs, bowtie and attack are the only words written in bold. If that doesn't describe my writing I don't know what does.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a 2 days since Yaz's breakdown, she had been avoiding the Doctor at all costs. If Yaz knew what she was feeling before, she definitely did not know now. All of those things she screamed could never be unsaid. And the Doctor certainly would never forget, even if she wanted to. The Doc had texted Graham to come around the Tardis. Yaz had not come out of her room and she had started to worry as to whether she was even in there.</p><p>Graham came through the blue doors, letting cool wind into the Tardis. The Doctor hiding behind the console, fiddling with all the levers and switches.</p><p>“You alright Doc, that message was a tad vague?” His kind wise eyes looking adoringly at her.</p><p>“Yaz isn’t okay, we talked…well she talked, she sort of yelled.” All of these words spilling out of her. She didn’t want to give him the full story. <em>Yaz might not want him to know...would her hands have healed yet?</em></p><p>“Well alright I’ll go and speak with her, you just sit yourself down, won’t be long.”</p><p>She plopped herself down on the floor, back against the arched amber pillars. She picked at her fingers, dried brown blood still lingering under her nails. Scrubbing hadn’t helped at all, she had tried every chemical but it clung to her. <em>How come I can get whole person to leave but not a simple liquid. </em></p><p>“Mow.” The Doctor turned to see if Graham was back but he wasn’t even in the console room. <em>Why would say that anyway, idiot brain. </em>She suddenly felt very on edge, was if something was in the Tardis. Something dangerous. <em>Nobody boards a Tardis by accident, well Donna I suppose but technically she didn’t know. </em></p><p>“Whoever you are, don’t even think about hurting my friends.” <em>Today, of all days! They’ve found themselves messing on the wrong ship, with the wrong Time Lord.” </em>All of her goose bumps raised, her skin going cold with slight fear. She wasn’t ready for a fight and she’d left her screwdriver in the library. A rattling sound came from under the main console. A kind of light scratching. The Doctor went onto her stomach and shifted herself carefully over the edge of the floor panel. <em>Don’t fall. Don’t fall. </em></p><p>She peered under, only hips to secure her from falling headfirst into a rusty toolbox. She inwardly sighed<em>. </em>And there it was…a cat. A small scruffy calico cat, it looked young but not a kitten. Fur mostly white, with black and ginger spots draping over the back with a black moustache. It’s pupils dilated to look like black holes, very shocked at the now red-faced upside-down Doctor. The cat lifted its small paws up to meet the golden hair swaying about. The Doc giggled. <em>No claws, it must feel safe here, that’s unusual. I suppose I can store my save the world speech for someone else. </em></p><p>Running out of places for veins to pop out of her forehead, the Doctor flung her body up and ran round to the stairwell quietly so as not to scare the young feline. As she crept up to it, the cat still sat on the high table alongside the broken toolbox, the cat walked forward and nuzzled its head along the Doctors coat. It’s little flappy ear folding and springing back up when it went to turn back around. The Doctor stroked the cats head and took a big breath in through her nose. Her senses telling her things a human could only dream of. Such as this little cat is a boy, hasn’t been washed in a while. Unless you count water fountains, which obviously she did. He was a year old and the last thing he had eaten was a lemon sherbet off of Stirling Lane’s pavement.</p><p>“Lemon sherbet ey, me too” <em>My kind of cat. What shall I name you tiny thing? </em>“I’m gonna call you Sweetie, that okay?” She knew it was ironic but she needed a reminder of someone who loved her at the moment. <em>Who better than River to think of? </em></p><p>The Doctor had been cuddling Sweetie for about thirty minutes before Graham emerged from Yaz’s quarters. He looked a bit tired, like how the Doctor looked after the argument. <em>If you could even call it that, a rather one sided one.</em> She called him to come down to her after he stood directly above her for five minutes rubbing his head wondering where on Earth she had gone.</p><p>“Hey Graham I made a new friend!” She excitedly proclaimed.</p><p>“Oh no, cockle is that a cat? Sneaky things those are, must of ran in behind me.”</p><p>“I’m sorry to say Graham you’ve now lost a point, cats are great!” <em>He doesn’t like cats! Well not everyone can appreciate the clear superiority of the feline species. I mean they sleep all day and can balance on the thinnest of surfaces, the fear of cucumbers is a bit of a fault though. </em></p><p>A pause cleared the air, both of them wanting to say something. The Doctor now holding Sweetie like a shield across her hearts. He didn’t complain, the Doctor is a naturally inviting person. Graham placed a calming hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“She said she needs some space, she wanted to ask if she could still stay on the Tardis. To be honest Doc she seems very delicate, you might want to hang around here for a bit, be around if she needs you yeah.”</p><p>“Okay.” She didn’t want to say anything else, it hurt too much being pushed away. <em>I deserve this.</em></p><p>"Can she stay on board then?" He questioned again.</p><p>"Yeah of course she can, sorry Graham." </p><p>Graham left the Tardis, he knew the Doc wouldn’t open up to him. She still needed some affection though, so he brought her a packet of custard creams and a can of lemonade. He wasn’t sure if that would sting or bring comfort to her but he knew she was happiest sipping lemonade with The Fam. She had even shared some of the drink with Sweetie. After about an hour he was bouncing off the walls and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why he was so hyperactive. It didn’t take very long for the Doctor to make her way through the biscuits, crumbs all over the floor and some on Sweeties nose. She brushed them off his pink nose and decided to check the time. The console display showed it was now five o’clock, 2 hours since Graham left to go to bingo with Ryan in tow. She felt so weird just standing around knowing Yaz was in the Tardis too. She couldn’t talk to her or even check in. <em>What if she was still as angry as before? What is she thinking about? Is she sleeping or awake? </em>So many questions swimming thought the rapids of her alien brain, so hard to stop them moving. She needed to get out, the infinity of the Tardis making her feel impossibly claustrophobic.</p><p>The Doctor decided it would be best to go into Sheffield town centre. She didn’t worry about Sweetie getting hurt, she gave strict instructions for the Tardis to keep him away from the swimming pool and the vampire monkey sanctuary. She had been trying to find them a new home since she fell into their nest a few years back. She had severely apologised for her clumsiness. And the Tardis wasn’t exactly going to argue back with her request, she basically was a cat…a very big cat. The Doctor picked up her fuzzy fez and some human money and set off.</p><p>The sky was a little gloomy, ivory puffy clouds and the air was brisk. Kind of reminded her of snow days on Gallifrey, except the sky wasn’t burnt orange or touched by soaring sand covered mountains. It wasn’t too busy, Ryan had told her that Tuesdays weren’t too hectic in the shopping centre. She wasn’t sure why people were staring at her though, the fantastical fez sticking out like a sore thumb. <em>What else would you carry things in?  </em>She walked though the doors marked People’s Pets, after seeing a picture of a ferret. Bumping her head on the door frame still staring at the cute picture. The shop was cosy and had sections for different animals. The Doc was glad of that, it took her so long to find her original fez that she had to buy a new one. <em>Thanks</em> <em>Kerblam man!</em></p><p>The store assistant came up to her asking what she was looking for. The Doctor noticed her rectangle name tag. <em>Hello I’m Olivia. </em>The Doc paused for a moment, still thinking about ferrets.</p><p>“Cats, I need a cat collar. Preferably vortex proof.” Olivia looked completely confused, like she had been speaking another language. <em>Nutter. </em>The Doc then remembered not everyone lived in a spaceship, or had to worry about vortex’s. <em>Is there such thing as an alien numpty?  </em>Olivia led her over to the cat section and left the Doc to figure out the rest. All she could see was a rainbow of colours, there were so many types and kinds. Studded, jewelled, reflective and loads more. And then she saw it. Custom collars! It had to be done on a touch screen tablet. <em>Ten days wait, I’ll just time jump. </em>First was the shape, her finger lingering over the normal option until she saw <strong>bowtie! </strong>She coloured it bright yellow or dandelion sunshine is what the tablet actually read. And picked all the features she possibly could without the tablet refusing any more. Eventually the screen showed a soft yellow, reflective, rainbow sequin striped collar with a Tardis shaped name tag. Sweeties name written in Gallifreyan circles. She may have hacked the system. <em>Apparently Tardis tags aren’t an option.</em> After ogling what she thought to be the most brilliant cat collar in history she left the shop giving a ‘see ya later alligator’ to Olivia.</p><p>Ten days later the collar was delivered. The post man looking even more puzzled than Olivia had been. <em>Why wouldn't someone order to an old police box?</em> She hadn’t bothered time jumping, she didn’t want to trouble Yaz if she’d been sleeping. The Doctor ran down to find Sweetie bunny kicking an eight ball on his fluffy belly. She wondered how he even got hold of it. <em>Does he have…<strong>thumbs!? </strong></em>A couple of whirls from the blue box admitting that something or someone may have unlocked the draw containing the eight ball. <em>Bad machine, that eight ball was from Clara. </em>The Doc had been unable to make her mind up back when she was a man, trying to decide whether Clara would prefer microwavable lasagne or Tardis made. She had managed to get stuck on the Planet Tanoh, an inhospitable place with no life. So Clara had not been best pleased and she’d set the Tardis to only make allow lasagne on board, since the whole popcorn in the time vortex failure.</p><p>She didn’t take the ball from Sweetie. <em>Best for him to play. </em>The Doctor unwrapped the collar and secured it round his neck. He looked so handsome, specially since his rosy tongue was poking out. She couldn’t help but laugh at him. Mimicking him by sticking her tongue out like an adorable golden retriever. Tickling his chin and admiring his moustache. She’d still had her tongue out when Yaz appeared out of literally nowhere. <em>How long has she been there? </em>The Doctor now standing square staring at Yaz, figuring she must have woken her up with her laughing so loud. She quickly pointed an accusing finger at Sweetie. The cat staring blankly back at her, tapping her finger with his paw, tail whipping around playfully.</p><p>“I’m going home.”</p><p>“What?” Doc mumbled, still with the tongue. <em>Tongue in mouth, not outside mouth. God I should’ve said something ages ago, now she’s leaving.</em></p><p>“I’m just getting some more clothes. Um I won’t be long.” <em>Don’t make her worry. Don’t make her worry.</em></p><p>“Uh, okay.” Tongue now where it should be. Yaz already walking up and out of the doors. <em>At least she’s talking. Maybe I should ask her if she’s, no…I can’t. </em>She knew to be sensitive with Yaz, Najia had told her about Yaz's struggle with depression.</p><p>The Doctor ended up feeling too anxious to stick around waiting for her to return, scared of what she might want to say. Or what she might do. So she made her way back to the library to get her screwdriver. Not wanting to go in there, the Tardis rolled it out from a hatch in the wall. The Doctor picked it up and headed to her bedroom. She never spends any time in that room but she didn’t know where else she could stay hidden. Plus she remembered the vortex manipulator Jack had asked her to keep safe was in there. It was broken but perhaps some tinkering with the sonic might work, it would take a few hours though. <em>Enough to keep out of Yaz’s way until she fell asleep again.  </em></p><p>3 hours later and a lot of unnecessary tampering, the Doc was still sat on the floor. Legs spread out and torso leaning over the mess she’d made of the manipulator. <em>Jack won’t mind…he shouldn’t have it. When does he even go anyway? </em>At this point she gave up and went in search of Sweetie, who had long got bored of tapping all the wires and had ran off. <em>Should’ve got a bell! </em>She peaked her head round the corner, checking for the absence of someone in particular. She went to put her foot forward to leave and stubbed her toe on the door frame. She doubled over and hissed some Gallifreyan word. <em>No boots. </em>She had taken her boots off after she accidentally stood on Sweeties tail an hour ago. <em>Shoes on when you go out Doc. </em>She knew better but left without them anyway, not wanting to stop and put them on.</p><p>To a small degree still limping, she arrived at the opposite side of the Tardis’s corridors. The walls a dusky butterscotch, lit by a small dim ceiling light. She could have sworn there wasn’t a dead end in this hallway. She could see Sweetie on his back, limps stretched out as if he were reaching for some kind of invisible string but his paws curled to keep them warm. Running over and scooping him up, he purred with comfort and dug his head into the crease of her arm. Surprisingly he wasn’t asleep at all, if anything he seemed like he’d drank more lemonade. He jumped out of her arms, through the gap between her side and arm, to the floor. Whizzing from the wall to the end of the hallway and back. He sat at her feet, wrapping his tail around the Docs leg, then <strong>ATTACK! </strong>The Doc leapt out of the hold, turning to see the cats ears strung back and back arched. The Doc gave him a suspicious look, wondering who would act first. <em>I see how it is cat, you may be faster but I’m cleverer, I will tickle you. </em>Her eyes now squinting knowing he wants to pounce. He moved first. Sweetie ran at her, the Doc turning away. They raced together up and down, the Doc’s socks causing her to slide way too much not exactly being made for slippery flooring. She was cackling as she ran, doing mock falls and crashing into the walls with a loud thud.</p><p>She didn’t see the door to the side move. Nor did she see that Sweetie was no longer running, he was just sitting by the now open door watching her glide several metres back into the wall. <em>Balls that hurt! </em>Peering up from her hunched over body, still trying to catch her breath, she noticed Yaz. Just stood there, a worn-out appearance. She seemed paler than normal, her under eyes sunken slightly. The Doc now stood in front of her, about a meter apart. She noticed Yaz’s chest wasn’t moving. <em>Is she actually breathing, maybe it’s just the light? </em>Not being able to come up with anything normal to say, the Doc shyly waved at her. <em>Who waves when you’re this close to someone? Idiot! </em>The Doctor internally repulsed by her own actions, took a step back. Her back now much closer to the wall that to Yaz. They were still stood too close to each other for her comfort and they still weren’t speaking. The Doctor couldn’t deal with the tenseness in the atmosphere around them anymore and went to walk back to her bedroom.</p><p>Yaz was the one to grab her arm this time. She spun the Doctor back round whilst walking towards her, the Doctor having to move. Her shoulders hit the hard wall first, the light now flickering from the knock. A gasp laying onto Yaz’s face, she was preposterously close now. Both of them breathing heavily, the air between them heating up. She couldn’t tell if the other woman was sweating but she sure as hell was. Partially because of the sock surfing but mainly because of Yaz now moving her hands. Yaz moved her left hand round the Doc’s hip, between her coat and her t-shirt squeezing her hard. Yaz wasn’t even thinking at this point but she did look up to see if the Doctor was okay. The Doctor searching Yaz’s eyes for any indication of what was actually happening. The right hand let go of the Doctor’s right arm and instead cupped her strong neck. Holding on like it was her last night on Earth, her mind spinning in a haze. The Doctor felt a jolt of electricity tingling up her spine and pulsating under the warm hand now on her cold neck. Her eyes fluttering, she felt sleepy and awake at the same time. She couldn’t explain why her fingers went numb or why her head was banging like crazy. She couldn’t stop blinking.</p><p>Yaz used her thumb to lift the Doc’s chin, so they could look at each other. The Doctor complied with her instruction, following Yaz’s gaze. Her eyes were so many shades of brown, splinters of honey littering the darker colours. Yaz gave a knowing nod to her, asking all kinds of permissions in a split second. The Doctor, feeling Yaz’s hips flush against her own, nodded her head in unison. Now feeling like her entire body was alight. She was still nodding when Yaz moved forward and kissed the Doctor. Her lips fiery and heavy, pushing into the Doctors with a needing force. The Doctor drinking in her taste, her right hand now firmly places on Yaz’s hip. Becoming hungry for more contact Yaz twisted her lips to the left, being as close as she could get. Her hand rubbing the Doctors neck. Their hips crashing together, slipping her knee between the Doctors legs. Touching every part of her.</p><p>Subconsciously opening her mouth and slipping her tongue past Yaz’s plump lips, the Doc’s head began rushing with pleasure and energy. The side of her neck becoming wet. Their bodies now writhing together, moans escaping into the others mouths and lips never parting. The kiss breaking and fixing them both. She could feel herself letting go and melting into Yaz’s hold. <em>Touch me. Don’t let go. Is that vanilla?  </em>Yaz’s lip balm soaking into the Doctors dryer lips. The sensation sending the Doctor down like a sinking ship. Suddenly the connection broke, Yaz pushed off the wall and stepped back clutching her chest. Drawing a sharp breath, the Doctor panting. The blonde woman now just a blurry image, the edges going fuzzy and black. Yaz tried to focus her eyes, her heart beating rapidly and painfully. Looking at Yaz, her wrists were bleeding, she could see the red. It was dripping down her arm soaking her t-shirt. But there was something trickling down her own neck too, like a raindrop. The Doctor tapped her fingers against her collar bone…more blood. <em>What! </em>Her eyes wide with worry, almost glazing over. Mouth gaping open at Yaz. Still not knowing what was going on.</p><p>“Doctor.” She spoke calmly, as if she was dreaming.</p><p>“Yaz!?” The Doctor screamed, catching Yaz as she collapsed onto the floor. Body in foetal position, she wasn’t moving.</p><p>
  <em>Oh my God.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh boy...that was something to write. On the other hand...i love cats. Hope you enjoyed it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Psychological</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath of Yaz's actions cause a knock on effect for the Doctor and they both reflect on recent events.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the kudos and comments! This chapter was a blur for me, listening to sad songs didn't help the situation. As I wrote I listened to My Time by Jungkook and I Got You by Bazzi. I can list the rest of the songs in the next chapters notes if any of you would like that...there's a whole playlist. I hope you enjoy this and aren't having too much of a tough time in isolation.&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor took Yaz to the sick bay to stop the bleeding. <em>Humans don’t do well without blood. </em>Neither of them talking a breath the entire way there. Still completely freaking out, the Doctor led Yaz down on the bed. Rushing to grab some bandages and medical tape from the side draw to her left. Not even having to ask, the Tardis started a full body scan, checking vitals. Holding the wound together with her fingers, the Doc wrapped the bandage around Yaz’s limp wrist. The Tardis display showing that the woman’s pulse had dropped dangerously low and lost a significant amount of blood from nicking an artery. <em>Too much. Oh god Yaz what the hell! </em>The Doctor knowing she couldn’t do much apart from apply pressure to the area, ordered the Tardis to start giving an intravenous solution full of electrolytes. <em>She needs everything I can give her. Everything. </em></p><p>The machinery continued beeping for an hour before the Doc fell asleep in the plastic white chair besides the bed. She dreamed of the time the Fam went to Grahams house for a barbecue. They had laughed all day till their stomachs ached, played pin the tale on the Donkey and had eaten plates of scrumptious food, the Doctor looking on with her custard creams in hand. Ryan had to showed the Doctor how to use a tin opener after catching her using thousands of rubber bands trying to make a tin of peach slices to open. “But YouTube did it with a watermelon! Same concept Ryan.” Yaz even managed to keep the Doc awake through Finding Nemo, the cuddling did a good job of keeping her attention. Not that she had been exactly concentrating on the movie though. To this point there’d been no talk of their relationship status, or what it even was. Both of them too stubborn to make the first move and too nervous to discuss it. Every time Graham and Ryan left the room, the conversation would come to a halt. Yaz awkwardly resting her head on the Doc’s shoulder. Tilted just enough so that they couldn’t make out each other’s expressions. Just lots of heavy breathing and agonisingly loud heart beats. The Doc didn’t even need to be that close to hear Yaz’s heart. <em>That’s Time Lord hearing for ya. </em>And wow did that make her senses flutter.</p><p>She sensed Yaz’s waking up. When she opened her eyes the other was staring around the chemical smelling room. The Doctor hated the smell, she’d meant to buy some raspberry disinfectant but had gotten distracted by luminous green sponges. <em>They really shouldn’t sell them so close to each other, it’s not my fault I got so excited.</em> Yaz started going for her IV, face etched with pain as she moved her arm over her aching body. Realising what she was doing, the Doctor pushed Yaz’s hand back down to her side. Leaning over her now, she looked at Yaz trying to hold back tears. <em>Why? What were you thinking?</em> Settling her breathing she thought of what to say.</p><p>“Woah there Yazmin.” <em>That was way too casual.</em></p><p>“Wh…where?” Yaz’s voice dry and crackled. She could feel herself wince.</p><p>“Med bay, everything’s fine, well physically.” <em>Should I have brought that up so soon? </em></p><p>She let go of Yaz’s arm slowly, her eyes asking whether or not she could trust her not to move again. Taking a paper cup filled with water off of the counter, the Doctor poured a sachet of orange mineral powder into it. Mixing it with a clear glass straw and taking it back to Yaz. She moved the top section of the bed so that Yaz could sit up more and held the cup to her face. Angling the straw in her mouth Yaz took small sips of the water. Making her inner lip wet and cooling her throat. The Doc held her head up, worrying she might break with how weak she seemed. Yaz moved her head away from the hold, not wanting the Doctor to pity her.</p><p>“I don’t want to be here.”</p><p>“Do you mean the med bay?” The Doctor noticed she was jittering again. <em>She doesn’t mean what I think that means right?  </em>“You can’t leave yet I need to…the Tardis needs to monitor you.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be here.” <em>God stop looking at me. Please.</em></p><p>She took a step away, trying to figure out why Yaz would want her to leave. She was holding on to the back of the chair, almost hiding behind it. Deciding whether to leave or fight it. <em>I can’t leave her. </em>She took a step towards the bed, Yaz turned her face away clearly trying to stunt a tear from rolling out. The Doc stuck her hand out pointing to the space besides Yaz, hoping she would allow her to sit for a while. Just to be with her. <em>At least till she falls asleep, just to be safe. Please let me. </em></p><p>“If it’s trust you want, you’re gonna have to give me some too!” Yaz shouted back at her. Red faced and lungs dragging.</p><p>The Doctor trying to find stability in her emotions, finding nothing but uncertainty. Her eyes started to water, pressing her lips into a line, knowing she couldn’t lose it right now. <em>It wouldn’t be fair. </em>She shifted backwards each step lagging. Wanting to stay but also to just cry at her. It took all of her will not to say something regrettable as she shut the door behind her.</p><p>“Make sure she’s safe.” The Doc said in defeat, feeling way too much. The Tardis responded with a sad whoosh, sounding just as low as the Time Lord.</p><p>Twenty-four hours after Yaz’s accident the Doc was leaning on the console, thinking. Rolling the magic eight ball in her hands, fingers still carrying Yaz’s injury on them. Her mind building and demolishing different ways of making Yaz’s life easier. If she couldn’t fix her heart, she sure as hell would fix everything else. She needed perfect right now…they both did. <em>I have to do something. </em>Still in utter denial about what Yaz had said to her. <em>If it’s trust you want, you’re going to have to give me some too. </em>The words wouldn’t leave her brain, hitting the side of her head with her palm as if trying to push it out by force. But she couldn’t stop the truthfulness of it, the Doctor was going through something and refused to tell Yaz what the cause was. She only thought about what the Master had told her when she stopped moving. That is why she found such solace in the library. Ordering hundreds of books in alphabetical order and brushing the dust off every single one. Unfortunately, that meant she had not eaten or washed for days. Both of those meant stopping and thinking, and thinking caused an overdose of pain and hot anger. The Doctors rage terrified her, she had seen how far it could go and how far it could burn. She couldn’t risk it, not even for a second. She wouldn’t allow it. Especially inside a time machine that gave her the power to go anywhere and any time she wanted at the press of a button. The ripples she could make, the people that could be stripped off the face of the universe. All that control hiding recklessness and insecurity. The Doctor shivered at the thought. Scrunching her eyes shut to forget the memories that fuelled her. She didn’t even know who she was.</p><p>The Doctor got to work on her list of annoyances. First she got the limited-edition microwave that River had given to her and went to install it in Yaz’s bedroom. <em>Humans love food and sleep, why not have it in the same place?</em> When she moved the door, it wouldn’t open all the way. She rammed it with her shoulder, badly balancing the microwave digging into her side. Eventually it budged and the Doc fell in onto the floor bumping her head and sending the microwave slamming into her stomach. She pushed it off and flopped onto her side, scrunching her face in pain. <em>Definitely a bruise forming.</em> Taking a glance around the room, she noticed how messy it was. She hadn’t been in there since building the bed, but it definitely hadn’t looked like this before. Pictures of Yaz’s family splayed across the floor, all flipped upside down. The table usual on the right has been shoved up against the back of the door. <em>That’s why I couldn’t get in.</em> <em>Was she trying to keep us out? </em>Clothes thrown all over and old mugs tucked away beside the wardrobe. Dried tea lining the bottoms, completely dried out from weeks without washing. Yaz was such a neat person, it helped her have a clear mind and aided her to sleep. <em>This is not like her at all. </em>Paper, coloured in black, had been taped to the sky light. The light the Doc had installed to better mimic Earth time.</p><p>The Doctor stood in the middle of the large room realising Yaz had been struggling far longer than anyone could tell. <em>She must have felt so alone. I didn’t know.</em> The weight of the revelation that what Yaz had done wasn’t a sudden decision, it was an impulse, a last-ditch attempt to feel just something. It made the Doc feel sick. Heart achingly sick. She dropped down onto the bed.<em> A microwave definitely wasn’t going to help this supernova of a person at all.</em> She grasped at her pocket, containing the eight ball, pulling it out and began shaking it.</p><p>“Will Yaz be okay?” Praying it would say yes, silently wishing. <em>Ask again later. </em>“For Gods sake you’re meant to help!” She threw it on the floor, watching it roll out of the bedroom and into the hallway disappearing out of view.</p><p><em>I should get that Clara would kill me. Would have…would have killed you Doctor. </em>Getting up from Yaz’s bed, stroking the soft sheets as she straightened up and went in search of the ball. It had rolled into the ventilation hatch at the bottom of the wall. It was making a gritty noise moving in the opposite direction. Sighing, she trailed behind the sound for what seemed like ages. Eventually she heard it smack out of another ventilation hatch. The hatch to the med bay. <em>You’ve got to be flipping kidding me. </em>Gripping her thumb in discomfort, she peered through the circular blue tinted window to see Yaz in a deep sleep. Her breath steaming up the glass below her nose. Getting pissed off that the eight ball had betrayed her, she tried to see where in the room it had gone too. Whilst scanning the room, her eyes fixed on the bed, she saw that Sweetie had made himself very cosy by Yaz’s feet. He also seemed to be searching for the ball, cocking his head in confusion with eyes wide. <em>He’s definitely not meant to be there. </em>Breathing a big breath, every part of her radiating irritation towards Sweetie for making her retrieval even more difficult. Creeping in through the door, she couldn’t help but dart her eyes over to Yaz every 2 seconds. Opening the door wasn’t exactly quiet, she had forgotten on multiple occasions to oil it. <em>2 years, not that long. </em>Catching a glimpse of how peaceful Yaz looked made her heart beat harder. She knew Yaz was exhausted but not even that could ruin her beauty, not to the Doctor. <em>You’re getting distracted. Ball and cat, nothing else. </em>Managing to grab the eight ball which had taken itself to the corner of the room, she went to pick up the very mischievous cat.</p><p>As soon as she lifted him, Yaz wriggled at the loss of heat and Sweetie released the loudest meow he could muster. Heart broken at being moved, he was not happy. The Doctor froze, Sweetie being held by the arm pits, legs dangling out. <em>Please do not wake up. </em>He started to kick the Doc’s hands, protesting his current position.</p><p>“Shush boy!” whispering with a rising panic. Yaz had woken to the Doctor wrestling a very wily cat, feeling a small smile push through.</p><p>“One hand under his bottom and one under his chest.” The Doctor’s jaw almost falling off. <em>She’s awake?!</em> Without meeting her eye, the Doctor changed the way she was holding Sweetie. Just the way Yaz instructed. He instantly calmed down, his purrs vibrating into her hands.</p><p>“Thanks, uh, are you rested?” She knew Yaz could still be upset but decided to ask anyway.</p><p>Yaz nodded. <em>Cool cool.</em> Sweetie jumped down and plodded over for a hug. The Doc zoomed to block him, worrying that Yaz was still too weak to lift her arms. Yaz stopped her by taking her hand, leading her to the empty side of the bed. There wasn’t a vast amount of space but enough for the Doctor to fit with reasonable comfort. The Doctor sat opposite from Yaz, both with their legs crossed. The Doctor bowed her head down feeling shameful and embarrassed. Her yellow hair hiding her expression from view. She couldn't sit still so she began fiddling with the hem of her blue trousers. Yaz noticed and cautiously rested her palm on the Doctor’s rosy cheek, pushing her hair behind her ear and prompting the Doctor to look up. Both shared a pitiful smile, knowing every possible thing they could say would never cover the feelings they held inside. The Doctor started nibbling her bottom lip, anxiety surging through her. Nudging her hand onto Yaz’s thigh. Not in a seductive way, more of a ‘I am here with you’ touch. Leaving the Doctor’s face, Yaz moved her hand on top of the other woman’s on her thigh. So much she needed to let out but she needed to be straight with her.</p><p><em>I should have opened up weeks ago. </em>Knowing if she had spoken up to the Doctor, her pain could have been lessened drastically. She hadn’t felt anything in so long, she felt things when she was with the Doctor. Being apart had locked it all off. Cutting herself had given that back to her in the masses. She felt in control and that petrified her. <em>What does it all mean?</em></p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I need you to know that. Okay Doctor. The hiding, faking, and shouting at you yesterday.”</p><p>“Yaz that was over a week ago.” Immediately feeling bad about pointing it out. <em>Shut up Doctor!</em></p><p>“Oh okay, um, sorry I didn’t realise.” <em>Have I really missed that much time? What day is it?</em></p><p>“Look, it’s easier for me to close up. Like my way of coping, until I can’t. I’m sorry you had to see me act out, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Well I did then, but that wasn’t me. You probably hate me, what kind of person causes the one they love to feel so shit. And the kiss was selfish, I wasn’t even thinking. If it’s changed things I fully get it.” Saying things at a hundred miles per hour was one of the Doctor’s skills, certainly not Yaz's. The Doctor looked like she was bobbling along with words, her brow creasing trying to concentrate.</p><p>“I’m not okay, I…am…not…okay.” Expecting that admitting the words out loud would somehow help the both of them process it. <em>God I’m really not. </em>Yaz’s felt her cheeks growing hotter, forehead starting to tingle.</p><p>She hated how this felt, it should feel good. Getting everything off her chest but her chest just getting tighter. Her wrists started pounding, a constant nagging. Between the bandages rubbing against her skin and obsessing on whether the Doctor could feel it too, she went to move her other hand to scratch the paper cut itching feeling. The Doctor covered Yaz’s wrist with her free hand, clocking that she looked as if she was going to start crying. Yaz couldn’t stand it, she pleaded for the release she craved with her eyes but the Doc refused to let her harm herself further. She took Yaz’s wrist as delicately as possible and placed a soft kiss onto the bandages above her cut. Pushing her lips with meaning but not enough to sting. Feeling the Doctors warmth soothed the intense burning sensation pouring out of her skin. Her body relaxed and the Doctor smiled.</p><p>“I’m here, I will always be here for you, Yaz. I think we’ve both been hurting for a while now. But we can do this. We will make this okay.” Her eyes filled to the brim with truth and faith. She meant every…single...word. And she was sharing it all with Yaz.</p><p>“Real?”</p><p>“Real.”</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This made me real sad, but hopefully it was an interesting read for ya'll, it's really cool to delve into how people like them would deal with depression. I hope I cheer up at some point because Yaz needs a pick me up haha.<br/>I promise at some point the Doctor will actually be WITH Yaz in a NORMAL bed rather than a med bay one. Alsooo the Doctor still hasn't washed properly *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink* and I'm pretty damn sure Yaz hasn't either.<br/>Thanks for reading ;)<br/>P.S These comments are awesome, my sister was very confused with why I was being asked to break someone...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dr and Doctor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doctor neglects her own problems forcing the Tardis to intervene again. And an old friend shows up to give some much needed TLC.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah, with the upcoming Family of Blood tweet-a-long, I missed a certain companion. Also if you haven't already read it go read 'i kinda fell half in love and you're to blame' by Timelxrd, it made me feel things.<br/>Idfc by Blackbear and This is Gallifrey:Our Childhood Our home by Murray Gold inspired some of this chapter.<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor left the med bay first. Apologising something chronic, she needed to make herself busy. She had stayed for 3 hours, till Yaz dozed off. They'd ended up spooning at some point, Yaz cradled into the warmth. The Doctor didn't mind at all, the touch making her feel all fluffy inside. She couldn’t fall asleep so she had drawn circles on Yaz’s arm, spelling out all kinds of ancient words. <em>I got you. </em></p><p>She headed to the console room to feed Sweetie. Who was now yowling and bouncing around the console, standing on all the wrong buttons. The Tardis tooted back at him, a scowl under her panels. <em>Cats eat fish right? </em>She asked the Tardis to make some yummy pilchards and cod. Ping! The hatch slid open, bits of fish in a small hexagonal bowl. The Doctor gave a nod of thanks to the machine and placed the food on the floor. <em>A bit time fried but it should be okay. </em>With Sweetie now chomping away noisily, The Doctor went back to the library.</p><p>She’d been there for Yaz, she fixed her for now. And Yaz was there for her too, but two hearts hurts so much more than one. So much to feel with no escape. The Doctor hated herself, a Time Lord with enough life spans to dawn a new horizon. A mind so great and with too much genius to contain. Her life choices had spilled all over the galaxy. So many people risked their lives just to touch shoulders with her. But she wasn’t even Gallifreyan, perhaps part of her DNA. The life she had led so far just an alias of her true identity, one she may never truly know. It was eating away at her. The race she unwittingly created, shunned her as if she were the abomination. Their plans for her so malicious and could still be ongoing, she had no idea. She was an idea. Feeling so strapped down, so desolate. The Doctors frame began to feel unsteady, the airway that had been working two minutes ago was now constricting her breathing. Clawing at her reddened throat, the Doctor didn’t understand what was happening. <em>This is a human response. I am not human. I am not…I’m not anything. </em>She couldn’t get any air in, every cell shattering losing control. Rocking backwards, she thrashed her arm to hold on to the consoles lever, narrowly catching herself from hitting the floor.</p><p>All of a sudden the Tardis let out an alarming sound. The time rotor started to pump up and down, getting ready to time travel. The blue hexagonal lights on the walls popping, glass scattering the Doctors face. She couldn’t pull herself up to see the navigational chart, lungs still drawing in useless air.</p><p>“What are you doing!” It came out more of a wheeze. The Tardis didn’t respond, continuing to take her to an unknown place.</p><p>When the box finally whined down she opened the doors, flowing all her energy to the light above the entrance. The majority of the room now pitch black, the only thing the Doctor could see was a way out, she clambered along holding onto the console with everything she could muster. Her vision becoming blurry and infiltrated with the blur of the light coming into the Tardis. She practically fell off the steps and flew into the one door still closed. Clinging on, she bent over to be sick. But her stomach was empty which just made it so much sadder, her throat torrid. The Tardis’ already opened door pressed into her back, driving her out into the open. <em>You can’t just get rid of me! </em>But the Doc’s attention was quickly diverted to the person looking down at her.</p><p>“You never stop do you.” Looking down at the folded Doctor, was Martha Jones. <em>What!</em></p><p>“Martha? What? How?” Speechless, the Doctor couldn’t figure out how of all the places the Tardis could crash land that it would land here.</p><p>It didn’t make any sense, the Doctor hadn’t seen Martha since before she had regenerated. She thought that would always be where their paths ended. That day had been one of the worst. There had been no need for words, or the time. She just had to see Martha once more, some reminder of that version of herself. And Martha knew, of course she did, the look they’d shared that fateful day telling her it was the end of this Doctors life. But now, for a second time, they were stood almost face to face. With the Doctor still tilted over slightly, the other woman turned to sit on the pavement, leaning on the Tardis doors knees pulled in.</p><p>“Come on, I’m not sitting here alone. We need to talk.” Martha could see the hesitance on the Doctors face. She felt it too.</p><p>“How did, did you know the Tardis would be here?” <em>Why did it crash? </em>Refusing to sit down, still vexed.</p><p>“She called me…I wasn’t busy. Took me a while to decode it. She said you needed someone right now, and something about a Master?” <em>She’s actually here. And she is a she! Why does she look so drained?</em></p><p>The Doctor rolled her eyes, even the Tardis knew she was vulnerable. So vulnerable that breaking the rules of her own timeline was necessary. <em>This isn’t right, Martha doesn’t deserve this. </em>Falling down to Martha’s level, the Doc crossed her legs. Still feeling too exposed, she pulled her long coat around her knees and held her sweaty palms together. Her trousers raised up to let a chill run over her shins. The wind was picking up, Martha wearing her usual fitted purple jacket and blue jeans. She looked so worried but still composed. She was a doctor after all, a real one too. The clouds moved much slower than the Doc wanted them to. The conversation stuttering and the fact her stomach was making whale noises didn’t help at all. <em>Well this is dramatic.</em></p><p>“Doctor?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was taking me here.” Her mind elsewhere.</p><p>“It’s okay tell me what’s up, I mean I always knew you were out there or I wanted to believe that, it’s really good to see you…nice body by the way.” <em>It suits her.</em> "Go on, I'm listening."</p><p>“My whole life I’ve had to do things I haven’t wanted to. Made the hard decision amongst the chaos. The one at the top, the only one. Looking over the universe, running away from time. Its my duty to help, it always has been. It’s the only thing I know, even if at some points I went about it in the wrong way. But the Master, he’s never acted through kindness. He’s corrupted, such a twisted sense of right and wrong. Kind of like me, only I carry that shame with me. I know what colour my hands are. He told me I’m something the Time Lords called the ‘Timeless Child’. I’m not from Gallifrey, all of my memories of growing up there. They lied to me and experimented for years, I don’t even remember all of it. My family, my biology, even my age is a mystery to me.”</p><p>“And you don’t know what to do…” Martha’s eyes now watering with the Doctors. The insanity being told making her feel so sorry for the Doctor.</p><p>“Yeah…something like that.” She couldn’t stop her breathing from stuttering, trying to regain proper rhythm.</p><p>“I’m gonna hug you now.” Martha’s arms stretched out to the side, gently pulling the Doctor in.</p><p>Strangely the Doctor didn’t feel like she needed to run. She didn’t feel that urgent panic of someone being so close, complete trust never came easy to her but it did now. Usually she wouldn’t allow it, not to just anyone. But Martha got her, she understood how complicated and incredible the Doctors life could be. Being near someone who she had travelled with through so many dark times, helped calm the Doctor. Her shoulders falling and letting all the pain flow through. She let it go. Martha held the Doctor for a long time before they felt a natural end. Looking at each other with a peacefulness. The Doctors panic had dissipated. She knew what she had to do, but she didn’t want to say goodbye. Standing up, they gave each other a final big hug. Martha knew enough of how time works to know that if they met again, it could rip a tear in the fabric of reality. They weren’t meant to meet again. The last time they’d parted, it had been her own decision. A conscious choice that she was sure of. But this felt mean, she didn’t want to say goodbye to the Doctor she’d just met but knew so well. The only thing that helped was that she could spend this one last moment comforting her friend. She could see the Doctor needed it and that it had worked. She hoped the Doctor would be alright, such a huge soul should never be alone, not even for a second. It would crush her.</p><p>“I should be on my way now, Mickey’s waiting at home.”</p><p>“How is that going?” <em>I wish he were here, ugh he would be so cocky if he knew that. </em>She laughed inwardly. <em>Mickey the idiot.</em></p><p>“Yeah we’re strong, thanks for that by the way, wouldn’t have happened if we’d never met.” Playfully nudging the Doc’s side.</p><p>“No problem, bit of a fixer upper me.” Looking at Martha with so much gratefulness. She’d always been so good. <em>Even Rose respected her.</em></p><p>“Bye Martha.”</p><p>“Goodbye…Jane Smith.” With a wink and one last brush of her arm, Martha walked away. Knowing it would be the last time.</p><p>She sealed the doors behind her, resting her head against them for a moment. Saying a secret goodbye all over again. Glad she had spoken words this time. <em>Martha Jones saviour of the Earth.</em> The effect that opening up had on her mind clicked something. The Doctor needed to see Yaz, she may have committed to healing her love. But she hadn’t prioritised her own health. She’d only said it to make Yaz feel at ease, changing was going to be a lot harder than she anticipated. But Yaz’s recovery depended on the Doctor being strong and clear minded, so she had no choice. <em>Yaz is the most important person in the world, she deserves to be happy. Happy and loved.</em></p><p>Yaz was in the library when the Doctor found her. She was reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Her fingers rubbing the edge of the page about to turn. The Doctor stood behind the bookshelf admiring Yaz’s mellow features, not wanting to disturb her. Yaz could get lost in books, something the Doctor loved about her.</p><p>“That’s a sad one that.”</p><p>“I know, I like the writing though. J.K is an artist.”</p><p>That made the Doctor think of when she had stolen all of Rowling’s pens after hearing she wanted Dumbledore to die. Not realising of course that she hadn’t taken the pencils, or her computer. Promptly returning the pens after the book was published, apologising for inconveniencing J.K. and then mourning the wizards demise for 3 weeks straight. She knew there was no way of the story working without it but she refused to talk to Rowling for a month. Then caving in so she could ask her for spoilers, sure she could just use the Tardis but being around all that creativity made the Doctor feel alive. A whole new world on paper. If only real life could be so magnificent.</p><p>“I’m ready to talk…really talk. No avoiding with jokes, I’ll answer everything.”</p><p>Yaz steadily got up to her feet, concentrating on where her limbs were going. Holding on to her wrist subconsciously guarding it from bumping anything. Her mind so aware of how she was looking at the Doctors face. If anyone had been watching, the words would have been ‘totally lovesick’.</p><p>“Okay then, but first I…” She didn’t want to stop the Doctor from letting her walls down but there was something clouding her mind, it had been for hours. Her heart swelling besotted to her core. Dopamine gushing, euphoria igniting, thinking only one thing.</p><p>“I...I really need a bath." Yaz now flying high as a kite with nerves. </p><p>"Same." </p><p>"With you..." Butterflies fluttering.</p><p>Taking the magic eight ball out of her side pocket and shaking, the Doctor looked up at Yaz then back down to the ball. <em>As I see it, yes. </em>A massive grin spread across her face.</p><p>“Yeah, wow okay, I’d really like that.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's bath time beaches! Much more than a hug is coming up. I have so much anxiety about writing the next chapter but I have ice cream so it SHOULD BE FINE. <br/>Getting inside the Doctors head is scary, i want to do it again. Martha's cameo was super fun to write, if not a bit sad and timey wimey, sorry about the lack of Yaz I just thought they needed a short break. </p><p>Hope you liked it peeps :) ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Let's do this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yaz and the Doctor spend some time alone...with a shower. But is something else going on?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Doctor took Yaz to her private bathroom, an en-suite to her bedroom. It had dusted black slate flooring, the same slate coating two of the walls cornering the large shower area. The other two walls plated in large white tiles, reflecting the amber lighting. A mounted matte black ceiling shower cascading steaming water as they entered. Random items dotted on the walls, alien art from planets far away. Glowing purple sculptures and 3D paintings creating a homely atmosphere.Yaz noticed one was spraying out water. The picture was of a raging sea, waves crashing together and rising high. <em>Even the Doctors bathroom is amazing!</em></p><p>Walking together to the shower door, Yaz started to strip. First she took her top off, releasing her chest and showing the dark purple laced bra angling the wiring to adjust to a more comfortable position. It was only when she’d gotten her arms stuck in the sleeves that she realised the Doctor was eagerly biting her lip, staring at her breasts as if she were hungry. She waved her hands about , getting the very focused woman to help her. The Doctor stepped forward, her top grazing Yaz's bra. Growing more aroused by every extra millimetre of Yaz being revealed. She looked up trying to gather her thoughts, taking in such shallow breaths, very much failing to hide her elation. She tugged at Yaz’s sleeves, faces so close she had to dart her eyes off to the side feeling completely ridiculous, finally getting it off in a clumsy fashion. <em>Wow.</em> The Doctor watched the other woman take off the rest of her clothes, removing her jeans with ease but keeping on her underwear. The Doctors mouth practically salivating at the sight of such a heavenly person. Every part of her sending her mind into overdrive. Neurons electrified with anticipation. <em>Was this real?</em> All she could think of was touching Yaz, it made her brain fuzzy with fascination. <em>What would she feel like?</em></p><p><br/>
Now it was the Doctors turn. But she wasn’t moving. Superglued by her feet and hands frozen. Taking a short breath in, she realised that this was the first time in her new body. That she knew of. Brand new and untouched. A virgin...physically. First time in this bathroom, with this person. She had no idea what she was meant to be doing. What would pleasure her, different things applied here. If didn't know herself, how in hell would she be able to impress Yaz.Taking her clothes off was at the bottom of the list. Yaz looked at her with concern watching the Doctor roll over her thoughts as she slowly removed her blue top. The fabric of her sleeves scrunching up as she lifted them over her head. Her hair coming free from the collar and flowing down, just barely tickling her shoulders, tousled into a wavy style. She stood there, so still, so shy. <em>Why am I so...ugh!</em> Her fingers slipping under the light yellow suspenders and letting them hang over her hips, still biting her lip making it sting. Her rough index finger and thumb clasping the waistline of her navy trousers. Smoothly pulling them down and quickly throwing her boots and socks at the wall. <em>That wasn't sexy at all Doctor.</em> At first she couldn’t help but cover her chest with her arms, so worried at what Yaz thought of her new body. Also not having had a chance to see it for herself since picking her clothes out. Time Lords, or whatever she was, don't require regular bathing. Her body naturally cleaning itself, her impressive biology dealing with that problem. Perks of virtual immortality.</p><p><br/>
“This is okay?” Yaz asked reassuringly, she wasn’t going to intimidate the poor Doctor into intimacy. It had to be on her terms, she needed that confidence. </p><p><br/>
“Yeah, I mean I want to...it’s just my first time. New body and all, I don’t want to be bad at it.” Her deep iridescent eyes avoiding Yaz's. The Doctors competitive nature shining through. </p><p><br/>
“Well it’s kinda my first time too, with an alien.” Making the Doctor laugh, made her own smile even brighter. </p><p><br/>
“Oi you’re an alien to me you know!” The Doctor stepped closer, trailing her index finger along Yaz’s waist. </p><p><br/>
Gripping Yaz's sides with want, pulling her hips into her own. A low gasp escaping from them, both caressing the others shape. The Doctor noticed one or two stretch marks etched into her stomach. It was Yaz’s moment to be embarrassed, the feeling of the Doctors nails bumping over them creating a timid smile. Seeing the her nervousness, the Doctor bent down onto her toes. Trying to ignore her knees clicking so loudly. She placed several freckled kisses up and down the olive branch of scars. Hot breath causing Yaz to tense from the sensation, her fingers in the blondes hair for support and mumbling incoherently. <em>Fuck me</em>. The Doctor smirked, proud of the effect she had. Using Yaz's curves to pull herself back up to seal the distance one more. Hands still gripping each other’s bodies, she shifted forward. Painstakingly slow, the tension between them sniping any other thought. Yaz’s russet fond eyes flittering up at the Doctors. Their foreheads now leaning together, the Doctors tongue pausing just behind her rosy upper lip. Both seeking one last breath, pulses beating in sync leaning in... and then a sudden knock on the door.</p><p><br/>
“Doc, where’s Yaz?” </p><p>
  <em>Graham...</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Where is Yaz you ask? A writer doesn't reveal her secrets...<br/>Also really sorry this chapter is so short, had a little panicky moment in the morning so I hope it's up to scratch. <br/>Next chapter will be uploaded tomorrow at 11pm British time, it'll be much longer and better!<br/>Thanks for the kudos again! And for even reading this ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Where Is She?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone has come for the Doctor and will do anything to get what they need. Yaz gets caught up in their plan and a kind soul tries his best to be helpful.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry for this by the way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Oh shit. What the hell Graham, how does he even know where my bathroom is? Oh no…he saw my bedroom. Strict words on cleanliness incoming.</em> Yaz looked like a deer in headlights, she was almost sweating. The Doctor let go of Yaz, surprised by how good of a grip the woman actually had on her and rushed over to the door gathering clothes along the way. She couldn’t see the shadow of Grahams feet under the door. She tilted her head down to double check, whilst wrinkling her nose for extra brain focus. <em>Nope no feet. Maybe he’s just stood off to the side or something?</em> Then she registered that she couldn’t smell the often-noticeable tea aroma from the many spills that happen when the Doctor starts up the Tardis without warning. His cuff always had the remnants of PG Tips. <em>Right now that is proper weird.</em> With a hurried hand behind her ushering Yaz to hide, she steadied her hand on the door handle. <em>No Graham’s body but definitely his voice, this will be fine, probably just a simple explanation. Do not overreact. </em></p><p>Creaking the steel round, air seeping through the gap as she widened it carefully. A beam of blinding light shone through as if she were looking into the heart of a dying star. Her pupils filling with awe and confusion, this was a familiar light. It reflected in strange ways, off of things that were not there...it was alive! A gruelling feeling of dread and terror took hold of the Doctors being. That’s time vortex energy! Why would the Tardis make herself vulnerable? Her question interrupted by blasts of memories entering her mind, things that had never happened. She could hear the voices of millions of people. Her bones started aching, she could feel something trapping her. A chafing on her ankles and wrists, entwining round her chest, thighs and forehead. It felt constant and painful like she had been pressed against something for too long or held down. The ability to stay conscious growing harder and harder. The only light sources should be coming from 2 lights but it had begun to feel like the sun were above her. Her veins now roasting with heat. A gentle breeze alerted her to a presence on her right, cooling her for a moment. Gradually rotating her head around to see what shouldn’t have been...Clara! <em>This is not possible, this makes no sense!</em> But the Clara before her frightened eyes appeared to be glitching and the Doctor then knew it wasn’t the real her, just a projection from the Tardis.</p><p>“Hello stupid. Sorry for the light, opening the heart of the Tardis was predicted to be the best means of contracting your undivided attention. Now this is where I need you to concentrate. The Tardis has been breached and you are in grave danger. You are currently being illegally beamed by an unknown source. I am the default contingency plan, only activated at a time when the Doctor is lost, so lost that she is unable to see it. Doctor you need to listen to this. There is no saving yourself, there is no solution to this, because this has already happened. When the Doctor and the Tardis are separated there is only one rule…find her. The Tardis would have sent a distress signal to every known associate and relative by now. The Doctor must know she is not alone. And I am sorry, but you are not even here.” Clara’s image fades away into the light.</p><p>“Where am I…CLARA, what do you mean?!” Her temples started to pound faltering her awareness.</p><p>Suddenly her body was catapulted forward, she pulled her arms into an x shape to shield her face. Everything tensing, muscles stopped moving, what felt like a cluster headache began forming. But then the gravity disappeared. No wall had hit her. Uncrossing her arms she could not see anything, just an empty void. A space of absolute nothingness. No air, no light, no darkness and no noise. She was so completely and unbearably alone. Wherever she was going, it would not be safe. Without warning her whole body erupted in inconceivable agony. An uncontrollable pain in her chest causing excruciating shock. Looking down she could see a wide partial thickness burn just under her collarbone. Nerves on fire from the blistered skin open to infection. Intravenous drips had been inserted into both wrists. Pumping a mysterious maroon mixture through, the liquid felt as if a hundred knives were puncturing her arteries all at once. The fluid causing some kind of toxic reaction.<em> Poison?</em> Tears started coming down her cheeks and her eyes bloodshot and swollen. Her blue top quickly steeped in water, turning to a shade of indigo. She tried to lift her hand but she was stopped by what looked like metal. It was blurry but she had started to make out her surroundings, every place she had felt pressure was now shown to be a thick chain tying her down to some sort of steel table. The coldness from it creeping into her skin, hairs standing on edge. Struggling in her shackles, a figure started to get bigger in her peripheral vision. Tall and getting closer, a species she did not recognise. It’s flesh was a pale pink with sharp cheek bones. Some teal hair fashioned into dreadlocks, making it’s features more prominent. The creature had a sad demeanour, turquoise cloak moving gracefully through the air. Moving over to the Doctors side, stroking her wet bloodied hair from her face. The Doctor looking it dead on, hoping to put on a pretence of being unafraid.</p><p>“This drip should be helping you, you are Gallifreyan yes? I am so sorry, they did this to you. I did not think it was necessary." The creature seemed sincere with its words, it began inspecting the wound on the Doctors head.</p><p>“Where am I? Where is Yaz? Who are you, what do you want from me?!” She was restless, still rubbing against the metal restraints and avoiding the question entirely. <em>You do not tell a hostile you are a Time Lord.</em></p><p>“You are in a cell, on the planet Azurine. Is the Yaz you speak of human? If so she is to your left, she has not woken yet. I really need to know your species, I think they’ve put in the wrong solution.” The alien picked up a wettened cloth and began wiping the dried blood off of the Doctors eyebrow and removing the drip with his other hand. <em>I am not going to hurt you. </em>The Doctor now trying to turn as much towards her left as possible. “My name is Joalka and <strong>I </strong>do not want anything from you.”</p><p>“I want to see Yaz!” <em>God Doctor think, how did you get here and who puts in this much effort to kidnap a Time Lord and a human? Ugh these restraints need to go. </em>She began to feel woozy under the drugs still coursing inside.</p><p>Joalka walked over to a glass cabinet surrounded by a bubble force field. He breached the field with his hand and took the keys from the display. She watched him, trying to learn as much as she could. As he came back the Doctor tried to get a glimpse of Yaz again but her head just wouldn’t move. Joalka held the woman’s head still whilst unlocking the padlock, his hands were numbingly cold. <em>Must be a part of his species. Or maybe just very frosty in here. </em>Once freed from the head chain she went to turn again, her whole skull banging. She could see Yaz, exactly the same as she was but with a weaker material binding her down. She thought it might be Velcro, humans being not as physically strong as Time Lords. Her head had been battered the same as her own, congealed blood and bruising emerging from her eye socket, she had obviously put up a fight. <em>Oh Yaz. I don’t understand. </em>Suddenly it hit her that the Tardis would have told her if someone was on board but no such alert had been activated and that she was still wearing her usual get up. <em>Did they not have time to redress me? Has Yaz been here longer?</em></p><p>“When did you take us and how?” <em>The Doctor now looking very sternly at Joalka. </em></p><p>“They took the human as she was walking to a bathroom and they grabbed you after the human was changed and sedated. She actually prevented us from transporting you for a while. Before we restrained her she was clever enough to hijack our systems and travel back for a few minutes. I can inform you that your friend did not withhold this information, travelling back through a faulty outdated system meant it simply did not exist in her memory whilst she was in your ship. The timeline would have made this situation non-existent, mixing that with a concussion and you are left with space time amnesia. After we got our machines working again they brought her back and made her sleep to keep her from escaping again. This happened just before you woke up here and attacked the guards with your shoe.”</p><p>“I don’t remember doing that, or anything about guards and I know Yaz would never betray me!” <em>Why didn't I </em><em>notice Yaz had been taken.</em> <em>Ugh my chest is burning. </em></p><p>“Look you both acted out of fear, not malice, therefore I will not lie to you. I did ask for them not to harm her, she showed bravery and skill whilst she was awake. It’s not easy to risk your life for another.” He saw the Doctor had started to be increasingly uncomfortable, her eyes trying to avoid looking at her burn mark.</p><p>“It’s okay, it will heal with time. Laser injuries can be unpleasant.”</p><p>“You lasered me! I’m the Doctor, not target practice!” Every ounce of anger building within her now aiming straight at Joalka through her furrowed brows, not even realising that she let slip of her name.</p><p>“Look I’m going to have to sedate you if your heart rate elevates any more, it’s way above what it should be.”</p><p>“I have two hearts moron, what kind of a physician are you!” She was breathing too much in and not enough out, the amount of carbon dioxide started to dizzy her mind.</p><p>“I am not a doctor, I am a student of Sinten. They needed someone to keep you alive, I am the only one who volunteered, so can you please calm down!” <em>She should not be able to cope, this acceleration should be killing her!</em></p><p>“Sinten!?” <em>I know that name. </em>“I can’t be here, the Sinten want me dead! What are you doing? Don’t put me to sleep! Please…” The Doctor began losing consciousness, her eyes fell heavy, the room started to close in around her. Jaulka now watching the anaesthesia take hold of the panicked woman, covering her with a blanket so she would be warm.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Miss Doctor…but they want far more than that from you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah this hurt me. Clara being the face of the contingency plan just made sense to me, she loved bossing 11 and 12 about. Yaz wasn't there and then was there, and then wasn't again. Also I think that the Doctor would be terrified of being sedated, her sense of control is so delicate.<br/>Touch wood this turned out well. Writing this and seeing your kudos and comments has made me so god damn happy ♡</p><p>P.s I'm taking 2 days off, next chapter will be up at 11pm British time on Tuesday.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Oh Shit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An unfortunate mistake comes to bite the Doctor in the arse and now she has to pay up. Meanwhile neither Yaz nor the Doctor can stop thinking about each other.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't even, the Doctor is a helpless gay and it's fucking adorable. I hope this might be able to take your mind off of the worlds struggles for a bit ♡</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hours and days eventually started blurring. Only being visited by Jaulka three times a day, once for each mealtime. She had found it comical the amount of food being brought to her, it wasn’t huge but it was still too much. They didn’t know that her body required far less calories or that she disliked the food. <em>Nobody likes vegetables, they are far too green for my taste buds. I'm not hungry anyways.</em> She’d been losing weight before being kidnapped but her weight had dipped even lower over the weeks they had been there, not that she cared she liked the feeling. Taking care of her health had been difficult enough on the Tardis, let alone a stingy ice-cold cell miles away from home. The blankets Jaulka provided had given her some comfort, even if she did not completely trust him. He still hadn’t been given orders to wake Yaz, despite there being nothing wrong with her. The Doctors burn had healed well, itchiness the only obvious thing remaining. Jaulka had managed to find an effective pain medication and she had been thankful for that, it dulled some of her uglier thoughts too.</p><p>She checked on Yaz often, not being able to reach her but still knowing she was in a stable condition. Jaulka learned to inform the Doctor of Yaz’s condition hourly to avoid her incredibly incessant questions. He eventually let out why she had been kept asleep, not that he was allowed to. It was because the Sinten needed leverage. They knew the Doctor would not try to get out whilst Yaz was unconscious. A sleeping woman needed defending, unable to fight for herself. And if the Sinten had learned anything during their stay it was that these two women were very close. And the Doctors constant worrying had given them a means of control, even if she had tried to hide it they would have been able to see, anyone could. A Time Lord alone is harmless but with a friend by her side she could escape the most secure of prisons and crack unbreakable codes. Topple gods and save the world. And the Sinten knew that. <em>At least she can rest, she needs that. </em>In the night the Doctor found herself dreaming of their moment on the Tardis. She could almost feel Yaz up against her, sharing the same air. Being so close and not needing to say a thing. The feeling of Yaz’s fingers gripping into her hair, kissing her stomach. Knowing only she could do that, she is the only one Yaz could ever trust enough. It made the Doctor feel alive and she wanted more. Even in this awful place nothing could take that away, the connection was too strong.</p><p>She had known something was up today. Jaulka had been insistent that she eat something, bombarding her with cups of water and checking the monitors constantly. <em>Why is he so tense for? </em>A knock at the door almost made him jump out of his skin, making him drop the Doctors breakfast on the floor. Luckily at this point her meals had only consisted of bread and a piece of fruit. He was grateful in this moment she had been so picky. His leader could not see him be so clumsy. Pushing it under the table, he quickly made his way to the door. Opening it to reveal a much bigger version of himself. <em>Same species.</em> This new alien headed toward the Doctor at pace, not once taking notice of Jaulka. She recognised him instantly by his appearance. He was caped in a red robe, his eyes were covered by a black helmet and the sign of the Sinten pinned to his chest. It reflected weirdly off of the ceiling lights into her eyes making her reangle herself. She had never met him before but she had certainly read about him and his people. He was known to be a cowardly leader, running if one of his many plans fell through. The Sinten had been prepared to assassinate the Doctor many years ago after she convinced the High Council of Gallifrey to banish them from the galaxy. It had been the only time they refused to run. They had tried to take a village on the outskirts of the mountains, making quick work of the few people who lived there. Their deaths being of no concern to Gallifrey’s leaders, being that in their view they had no valuable contribution to the planets growing power. The Doctor had taken it upon herself to bring justice by letting every Gallifreyan know what the Sinten had done. She knew even the strongest of organisations required the trust of the people they ruled over. Insulting their integrity, meant they simply could not ignore it. A group of workers had seen the attack happen but they feared to come in front of the High Council so they went to the Doctor instead. Her reputation for defying orders known even by them and they knew she needed witnesses to back her story. So after the population started believing her and begun demanding answers the High Council made the decision to force the Sinten out. Leaving them on a badly repaired spaceship in the middle of nowhere, a course set for a random planet as punishment for their crimes.</p><p>Of course the Doctor knew they had been looking for her. Jack had overheard some gossip from some alien buddies of his. She never knew what he was up to half the time but he always relayed any rumours back to her. But that was a lifetime ago, the chances of the Sinten finding her were slim to none, it did play on her mind from time to time though. They hadn’t even known her name or that she owned a Tardis, so it did not overly concern her. She had yet again massively underestimated her enemy. The alien, now stood over her, studied her expressions, he wanted to see the realisation. He needed her to understand even her actions had consequences. And the scar across his neck could not have represented that more. Little did the Doctor know that the ship had taken them to a Zygon settlement and Zygon's being Zygon's had reacted with hostility and violence. Killing his brothers and sisters, with him and Jaulka barely getting out alive.</p><p>“Tell me when a person see’s another take their face. Do you think it changes them?”</p><p>“Yes, I think it does.”</p><p>“Or when you see your own face smiling down at your friends…your own hands killing them slowly?” He looked as if he would cry. He tried to compose himself.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Your people sent me to that fate. Zygon's Doctor, you sent my family to their deaths at the hand of those insufferable creatures!” Slamming his hand next to her face and spitting with fury.</p><p>“What! I asked for you to be banished, not for your deaths!” Her finger nails digging into her palm, the pain releasing her anxiety. </p><p>“Well you never made sure did you, making astronomical choices and leaving everyone behind!”</p><p>“I’m so sorry I never knew, if I had I would’ve…” <em>God I’ve done it again, why do I cause so much destruction? </em> The top layer of skin starting to rip on her palms. <em>Don't cry.</em></p><p>“Done what Time Lord? Save us? You wanted this to happen…and now you’ll do something for me as an apology.” His hands now fondling a piece of her hair. A creepy grin taking hold of a disproportionately large area of his face.</p><p> “I can’t do it, whatever it is I don’t trust you and I need to stay with Yaz.” <em>I can’t leave her.</em></p><p>“Jaulka wake the human, you have two hours to prepare for the mission. You Doctor, will steal something for me, a Sinten relic that is of importance to me. And...take this as a warning, Jaulka will end your friends existence if you happen to find yourself escaping.” He released her from the table and instructed her to be ready and waiting, then left shutting the doors behind him.</p><p>Yaz had taken a while to stir, the medication being pulled out of her so slowly. When she finally woke, the Doctor had been nursing her chain marks around her body with a wet towel. The lines in her skin would take some time to heal but she had great genetics on her side. She helped Yaz to sit up straight, her hands guiding Yaz’s legs off the side of the table. Yaz moved so carefully, she felt so frail having to use the Doctor for support. The blonde couldn’t help but cradle her, so aware of how out of it she was, she couldn’t get the image of Yaz collapsing on the Tardis out of her thoughts. Yaz lifted her head to look around the room, remembering snippets of her temporary escape and fighting the guards. For her it had seemed like 5 minutes ago, but the look on the Doctors face told her otherwise. The older woman’s face looked as if she was turning something over and over in her head. Yaz could not tell if she was trying to push something out or remember something. Her mind then drifted to how the Doctor was holding her. She could only think of how much she just wanted to kiss her lips. Or any part of her, she didn’t care.  She settled for nuzzling into the crook of the Doctors neck, soaking up all of her warmth and sighing in content.</p><p>Waiting for Yaz to be able to walk had taken longer than the Sinten would have liked, even Jaulka had been waiting for him to shout at her. Luckily, he did not, partly because of the look the Doctor was shooting at him the entire time. If she had heat vision it would have gone right through him…and the wall. The Doctor assisted her in getting dressed, telling Jaulka and the Sinten to turn around. So many looks being exchanged between them, the Doctor took the opportunity to do Yaz’s jean button up taking much longer than necessary and ‘accidentally’ grazing her thumb against Yaz’s stomach. Yaz audibly gulping her arousal down, she leaned in and whispered into the Doctors ear. "Are you wet Doctor?" The Doctor almost choked, Yaz saying something so confident turned literally everything on. <em>Oh shit. </em>After being in shock for a minute, the Doctor physically being unable to move, Jaulka who had been waiting for the right moment to intervene ordered them to get going.</p><p>Being marched to the door gave the Doctor time to think about the mission. <em>It’s too easy, too simple. Why can’t the Sinten do it himself? God Yaz you are standing way to close to be right now. </em>She was worried about everything, mostly not knowing what she would do if Yaz ever said anything like that again. But also that the relic they were retrieving would most probably be a seriously dangerous weapon and she knew that once the Sinten had their hands on it, it would be even more difficult stop them especially without the Tardis. <em>Got my sonic though.</em> They always had ulterior motive, even on Gallifrey they had used the rouse of a crash landing to gain access to the planet. She would have to come up with a plan. <em>Destroy the weapon, try and get back to Earth, find her blue box and then kiss Yaz</em>...<em>Jesus fucking christ get a grip Doctor!</em></p><p>The guard moved over and opened the door but it wasn’t what the Doctor expected. Azurine was meant to be bright with two suns and strong winds. Deserts covering the lands and oceans with great shining towers. But all they could see was a dark night sky and an ordinary park bench with some pigeons milling about. Then the smell of delicious chip shop chips hit them. The Doctor finally having something to analyse sniffing her nose up in delight. Yaz took a deep breath in, savouring the familiar scent and grabbed the Doctors hand with excitement. <em>A human park bench…chips…Earth! </em>They looked at each other in disbelief and astonishment. <em>Sinten don’t have the capability to travel this far…and we never entered a teleport. </em>Finally figuring out they had never left Earth, not even once. <em>No wonder the gravity had been off in the cell, everything makes sense now! </em>Ever the genius but almost always the most clueless person in the room, she had complicated the situation so much that she didn’t even think that the Sinten might have possibly lied. It is much easier to stop someone leaving when they think home is so far...instead of a couple of metres to the right. Their mouths agape in awe, Yaz could’nt believe she could have just walked out of the door. The Doctor was berating herself as to why she had not solved it out sooner.</p><p>
  <em>Clara was right, I really am stupid.  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Certain parts of this (you should know which parts) made me squeal... very loudly. Finally getting to that 'i need to pause reading this for a second to compose myself' tension between Yaz and the Doctor and almost crying at the Doctors inability to process it ;) I love it when you lot comment it's honestly the best to get feedback. And thank you for so many reads, it makes me feel all squishy inside. I love you all ♡♡♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Oh Shit Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I don't feel like I can summarise this chapter at all. Sorry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I started this on Wednesday, then lost the will to live and then started it again last night. So I hope you enjoy my dudes.<br/>Also when I was typing out spinny chair, it wanted to spell correct it to skinny chair 😂 like can you even describe a chair as skinny???</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaulka pushed his way through the guards, checking for any humans. The coast was clear, he gestured his hand signalling Yaz and the Doctor to come out. Stepping out of the door the Doctor turned around to get a better view of where they had been kept. It was just a normal house, white picket fence too. It seemed so ordinary to the naked eye or anyone who walked past. She could sense a perception filter fizzling around the perimeter, a metallic tang in the air.<em>Clever. </em>Yaz had been watching her pace across the pavement, there was something about the Doctor making deductions that just did things to her and the woman wasn't even talking. <em>Always attracted to the genius geek doing something nerdy.</em> She couldn’t describe it and she wouldn’t dare tell the Doctor for fear of embarrassment on her behalf. It felt stalkerish and she knew the Doctor could be funny with human nuances. Yaz had experienced her fair share of not being romantically useless but the majority of the time that definitely was not the case and she just had to sit back and observe.</p><p>Getting a hefty shuv from Jaulka they began moving, both of them managing to dodge the unaware pigeons and ducking when they flew off. It was chilly and quiet, the Doctor pondered if Yaz might be cold but she seemed okay, she wore trusty gloves that she always kept in her pocket. She was hoping that nobody would be out at this time of night to bump into them, an alien and a laser gun don’t usually end all that well and she wanted to avoid a confrontation. Turning a sudden corner they came upon an old museum. Marble pillars and long steps leading up to its arched doors. The Doctors eyes sparkled with awe, human creations always so new, so inventive. Earth architecture fascinated her, the design so different to anything built on Gallifrey. Humans liked boxes and sharp edges to fit perfectly into place. She thought it odd when she had first visited. On Gallifrey things were curved and made to be magnificent and enviable. Not that humans didn’t do that too but the Time lords art gleamed gold beaming far out into the stars, buildings made to tower over everything. A show of status and self-proclaimed superior intellect. She didn’t know which one she preferred, she could always see the beauty in creation but she new grand things were always made to distract people from something else. The Doctor more than anyone else understood that, the museum was still awesome to her though. <em>I wonder who built this. </em>Being a history buff she already knew she would tell Yaz about every artefact once they got inside, she loved explaining things to Yaz. That led to her thinking of the brunette as they began the steep incline up the white stone steps. Stealing glances out the corner of her eyes she could see Yaz a little behind her. The Doctor slowed a little so she could see all of her. Eye line stuck on Yaz’s behind, iris’s tracing the line of her jeans hugging her shape, eyelashes fluttering. Just one layer or maybe two between her hands and Yaz’s sweet…<em>Oh shit!</em></p><p>The Doctor trips over the last step, thinking there wasn’t another one to go over and just kind of piles into a big heap on the floor. “Doctor you good?” Yaz asked worried. Quickly being scooped up by Yaz’s hands, it was a mental and physical battle not to just pounce at her like some kind of feral cat. She stood fully dusting off her knees and now dirtied palms and created space between her and Yaz. Who was starting to look at her a bit puzzled. The Doctor had been staring too long again, darting between her encompassing eyes and delicious lips. Her breath hitched in her throat, gawking perhaps slightly more than she could feel. Yaz knew exactly what was happening to the blonde and it made her increasingly more aroused. But it really wasn’t the time, right now they needed the Doctors brain not her…well, appetite. Yaz was trying to ignore the heat emanating from between her thighs.</p><p>“Earth to Doctor?” She coughed and waved her hands in front of the Doctors face. She snapped out of it instantly adjusting her head and wrapping her coat around her body like a hug. Sticking her chin in the air in an attempt to regain some control of her thoughts. She could not have looked more embarrassed, cheeks blushing trying to act as casual as she could wondering why Yaz was still waiting. <em>Oh yeah question! </em></p><p>“Me? I’m the king of good, or queen! I am absolutely undoubtedly perfectly good! That’s me Yazmin, extra good like really…” She caught the scent of Yaz’s conditioner. <em>Ugh lavender. </em>“Lavender…” It came out as a breathy moan. “Ah um I meant Lysander, yeah great guy really great guy man boy!” Everything came out as a shout, her cheeks now bright red and she could feel her body getting hotter.</p><p>“A man boy?...Doctor I think we should go inside the museum now, can you do that for me?” Yaz was loving this newfound power over the Doctor. She was also holding in the biggest snort of laughter. Her ribs ached keeping it in, she didn’t want to cripple the Doctor but her struggle was hilarious and it was making her heart feel gooey with love. This massive puppy of a woman could make her do anything.</p><p>“Sure, yup, walking, in, door.” Passing Yaz as composed as she could, mustering her last brain cell into a self-assuring double thumbs up. “Walking past Yaz, Yazmin Khan…as I usually do.” Yaz was practically heaving in her fit of giggles, chewing the inside of her lip to stop it from blurting out. The Doctor too nervous to notice.</p><p>They all looked around the reception area. The Doctor wondered behind the desk and began fiddling with the computers finally having a reason to use her sonic and think of someone...<strong>something</strong> else!. She used it to sever the connection to the security cameras. Also quickly scrolling down the staff rota, they really didn’t need any interruptions from a well-meaning security guard. The high buzzing sound vibrating out of the sonic made her smile, she loved her sonic. <em>Multipurpose and cool, sonic screwdrivers are cool.</em> Jaulka ripped a Jurassic era poster off of the wall and slapped it onto the desk. She felt herself jump.<em> Ugh mind out of the gutter Doctor. </em>He flipped it over to show the blank back and asked the Doctor for a writing device. She grabbed a pen from next to Yaz and handed it to him, all she could think about was slapping something completely unrelated. He began to draw the relic they were looking for. It was a small sphere no bigger than an magic eight ball with a flat ring going around it like Saturn, he finished and held it up for the ladies to see.</p><p>“What exactly is this Jaulka?” The Doctor grabbed the poster from him and disappeared behind the desk.  </p><p>“It’s an important relic like Sinten told you, no questions Doctor.” He replied sternly. Yaz playfully stuck out her tongue behind his back, the Doctor giggled like a baby in the background. </p><p>When Jaulka and Yaz turned to see what she was doing they could see blonde hair floating its way round from behind the desk. She gradually wheeled herself out on a blue spinny chair and was hiding her hands like she had something she wasn’t meant to, grinning away like a Cheshire cat. She raised her hands in the air to show a perfect paper air plane made out of the poster she took from Jaulka. She was swelling with pride, the poster was ruined but she had made something even better. Yaz gave a cheesy smile and returned the double thumbs up approving her skills. Jaulka re gripped his laser gun in annoyance, moving to turn around to walk away…when the Doctor threw the plane straight at the side of his head.</p><p><strong>Donk!</strong> His facial expression paused, completely motionless. Anger simmering he looked like a tired parent with a hyperactive three-year-old. The Doctor bowed her head chin rubbing her chest, seeming as if she was silently apologising for her childishness but she was just hiding her glances to the air plane now resting next to Jaulka’s feet. Trying to decide when the best time would be to go and pick it up again. Jaulka walked away very much done with the blondes consistent energy. Yaz elbowed her in the side jokingly, then putting both hands on the Doctors back above her hips and forcing her to move away from the airplane. Pushing her required a bit more effort than she had expected, her arms tired quickly. Time Lords are much stronger and the Doctor was very good at refusing to move.</p><p>They were now in the Roman part of the museum. Shield’s and armour hanging over painted mannequins. Feeling the fabrics and running her fingers over the tiles, the Doctor realised she was getting teary. She hadn’t thought of Rory or Amy for a long time, the memories were old and painful to think of. Wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve she continued looking for the relic. Yaz was on the opposite side of the room, eyeing some miniature Roman houses when she spotted it. The relic encased in a glass cube with a light peaking out from under it. She called Jaulka over and he confirmed it was the right object, he started to cry. Proper big tears almost weeping over Yaz, he opened the cubes lid and lifted the relic out. He thanked her and ran to the Doctor who was in the middle of her thoughts.</p><p>“Thank you Doctor, your human is amazing!” He shook her hand with so much passion, the Doctor looked a bit miffed as to why he wasn’t thanking Yaz but he was right about one thing. Yazmin Khan is an amazing human, her amazing human.</p><p>"No worries, love to help." Yaz piped up. They left the room heading towards the entrance to get back to Sinten. Jaulka was skipping along like a weight had been lifted but the Doctor’s conscience was nagging at her. <em>Why’s he so cheery for, and what about what the Sinten wanted from me?</em></p><p>“We better head off then.” She needed to test his reaction, she knew there was more to this and she still needed to know what the object was especially since they were in the middle of a very populated Earth.</p><p>“No. I’m sorry but you can’t go.” </p><p>"Well at least let me take Yaz home."</p><p>"No Doctor, she is the one he wants, not you." He pointed over to Yaz sadly, he didn't want this to happen but he couldn't disobey the Sinten. </p><p>“Yaz? Why does he want Yaz she isn’t part of this?” Concern growing on her features, tightening her grip on her sonic.</p><p>“The human is close to you yes Doctor? She’s now valuable to him because of your bond. She makes you weak and he wants you to hurt as badly as he did.” His tone was flat, hiding deep hurt inside. He knew exactly what the Sinten wanted to do to her.</p><p>“Ah I’m sorry mate but Yaz was valuable way before I met her! And yeah, actually, yes she makes me scared and hella nervous. Yes she makes me feel pain and forces me to confront my inner conflicts. And god yes do I love her more than time itself but she does not make me weak. She makes me strong enough to fight the battles that eat away at me, she turns my hatred into adoration. If you think for one tiny second of your short life that Yazmin Khan will be going with you without a fight then I have only one thing to say to you.” The Doctors chest rising and falling fast, her hands shaking away still not entirely sure what she would do next.</p><p>Jaulka stands there, hands dropping his gun to the side, brow twisted trying to understand why she felt so protective over something that should be so small and insignificant to a Time Lord.</p><p>“What Doctor?”</p><p>“Hands off bitch!” She runs and slides at the gap between his legs, kicking the weapon away and laying a loud thwack to his nether regions. She steadies herself with the side of the reception desk now on the other side of the room and aims the gun at Jaulka, hearts in her throat. She could feel them beating through every nerve. Even holding it felt wrong, like at any moment she could do something she could never take back. Her finger inched its way closer to the trigger. She wasn’t going to shoot him, she wasn’t even thinking about using the weapon and then she realised what  Jaulka was implying her finger faltered for a moment. <em>Could I? Would I? Is it the right thing to do? I can't let him do that, never to her. What kind of monster is he? NO, NO I CAN'T YAZ WILL NOT BE HARMED! NOBODY WILL TOUCH HER, I CAN STOP THIS!</em></p><p>“Doctor don’t do it just think for a sec okay.” Yaz had sprinted round hobbled Jaulka over to the blondes side. Something in her eyes made Yaz feel like she could snap at any moment. Yaz herself not having figured out what the Sinten had planned for her. A fire was consuming the woman's mind, a Doctor she hadn’t seen before. Eyes looking straight through her soul, Yaz knew what would happen to the Time Lord if she overstepped again. She had seen it before, those glimpses of barbarian instinct killing every last shred of hope in her hearts. It was sadistic, something the Doctor repressed more than any other emotion. Inner torment can’t kill a Time Lord but the grief of one losing her sanity can murder millions. Yaz covered the Doctors trigger finger with her own, if she was going to take a life that didn’t belong to her then so would she. The risk was too great, in that moment Yaz decided neither of them would be alone. <em>I’ve got you.</em></p><p>“Please Doctor...<strong>feel it...feel me</strong>.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So it got me chuckling and then it got me sad. I am sorry to anyone who reads this because I haven't seen a flip in emotion like this since I found out my sister ate my Christmas Oreo's. And that's on childhood trauma. Finally getting down in the Doctors hilarious antics. She's basically a golden retriever she's so soft. These love birds need to get busy asap.</p><p>Jaulka reminds me of that moment when you open the door to what you think is the food delivery guy but its just your neighbour asking for their spade back. You don't necessarily hate them but you'd prefer your pizza.<br/>I know that it's quite a serious situation but the Doctor has no idea at the start just what will happen, so I think she'd be distracted the entire time especially after being confined for weeks. I mean anyone would be. Pretty sure her species are always ready to be ready if you catch my frisbee...so yeah.</p><p>As usual feel free to drop a comment, its one of 5 forms of activity I have been relying on during lock down...basically ya'll be vibing and I like that. And if you haven't heard Thasmin was kind of confirmed in book form yesterday, so whether they decide to play that in the next series is anyone's guess but we all know Mandip and Jodie will do it justice if it happens.</p><p>Look after yourself and stick your head out the window for at least 5 minutes for mental stimulation. I love you all ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. In For 4, Out For 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It wasn't in either of their natures to hold a weapon but it was to hold each other.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"Hold hands. That’s what you’re meant to do. Keep doing that and don’t let go. That’s the secret." - The Eleventh Doctor</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vivid flashbacks stabbed through, destroying Gallifrey, children screaming for their parents. She could feel the ashes clogging her throat, packing itself into her chest. Everything felt heavy but empty at the same time. The taste of embers sizzling painfully on the tip of her tongue, it felt real and so numb. Jaulka’s pleading made it so much harder, so many had done it before…too many. Donna telling her to stop back with the Racnoss and when she had to erase her memory. Trying to rewrite history on Mars, almost changing a fixed point completely sure in her righteousness. And putting the Family of Blood into eternal damnation as punishment for their crimes. Always trying to do the right thing, always ending up in torment. All of their words echoed in and out of her ears, she couldn’t hear anything else her conscious silent. One thought, one choice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her hands started to shake under Yaz’s, Yaz could see her eyes turning like the pages of a book. Like she was reading a story no one else could see, hyperventilating at every word. The Doctors skin was clammy and cold, it reminded Yaz of when the Doctor had grabbed her in the library. Such fragility painted over her canvas. She needed to snap her out of it and quickly. She firmed her grip trying as hard as she could to get her fingers under. The Doctor wasn’t budging, she was stuck, unaware of Yaz’s presence. She needed a shock, something she would be able to hear through anything. Something popped into Yaz’s head, she hesitated. <em>Would this help her?</em></p><p> </p><p>“I love you…” Yaz whispered into her ear “…I love you Doctor…God <strong>I LOVE YOU</strong>!” Her voice wavering with the realisation of how true it was. <em>Please Doctor. </em>She was so desperate to help her.</p><p> </p><p>“I should’ve told you ages ago, you’re the best person I’ve ever known. Please it’s okay, I’ve got your back…you’re not on Gallifrey you're right here with me.”</p><p> </p><p>The Doctor’s stare faltered for a moment, her senses filtering back. She could smell Yaz’s scent again, see the gun as well. The glazed expression started to dissipate, she could feel the woman’s hand and the tickle of warm breath on her neck, coming back from wherever her mind had jolted her to. Her breathing became more controlled, still quicker than normal though.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yaz?...I’m so sorry.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The brunette’s face didn’t move, worry splashed across it. She could see the Doctors eyes searching for a response.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why can’t you hear me? Yaz?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t noticed she wasn’t actually speaking. Nothing was coming out, her mouth wasn’t even open. Yaz could see the confusion and panic rise again, the blondes eyebrows drawing with worry. Yaz nodded to her and mouthed something, <em>everything’s okay I know what you’re trying to say…just breathe slow that’s it. </em>The Doctor seemed to understand somehow by lip reading through her blurry dark vision. She focused on the movement of Yaz’s shoulders, mimicking it. In reality Yaz had no idea what the Doctor had thought but she could see the pain and that was enough. <em>In for four, out for four.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Don’t even think about moving.”</p><p> </p><p>Yaz spoke forcefully to Jaulka, she kept her voice quiet so she wouldn’t send the Doctor into another fully fledged attack before this one had even ended. She didn’t think the Doctor could take a second hit, she already looked shattered. It was weird Jaulka hadn’t already attempted to take them, he could easily tell how delicate this situation was and it seemed the Doctor had forgotten he was even there. She then remembered the gun in their hands. She’d been so wrapped up in calming the Doctor that she hadn’t even considered their fingers were still hovering over the trigger, Yaz swallowed her nerves. </p><p> </p><p>Yaz turned back to the whimpering Doctor peeling their hands carefully away, the other now awake enough to let her do so. Folding the Doctors hand into her own, she knew that grounding the Doctor would help her. Police academy taught her that, she hadn’t expected to need her training with a Time Lord though. With her right hand she chucked the gun behind them into a corner, hoping it was far away enough to stop Jaulka in his tracks if he tried to retrieve it.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave Earth, tell the Sinten too. I won’t let you take me, she needs me and there’s no chance of me abandoning her…”</p><p> </p><p>A fake confidence in her tone. <em>Come on Yaz you can do this. Keep her safe.</em></p><p> </p><p>“…look, I’ve got no weapon now. I’m trusting the goodness in you if you are capable of it and I believe you are.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why isn’t he speaking?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“And you think he’ll let me live…”</p><p> </p><p>Jaulka lowered his head in defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“Who says you have to tell the truth, tell him you killed us.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I could convince him, he doesn’t want you dead anyway, the Sinten would never be so merciful.”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter what he wants, if we’re dead he has to stop whatever he’s planning…” </p><p> </p><p>The alien didn’t seem persuaded.</p><p> </p><p>“…here, take my necklace. I would never let someone take this, we humans find gifts very valuable. He has no reason not to believe you. You haven’t tried to hurt us at all, I can see you don’t want to obey him. Please I am beggin' you!”</p><p> </p><p>Jaulka looked her straight in the eye, she hit a nerve but he couldn’t deny it. He didn’t want anyone else to suffer, even if it was just a stupid human and this particular human happened to be far from dumb. Yaz threw the necklace to him, still guarding the dazed Doctor with her body.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll have to make it believable, otherwise we’ll <strong>all</strong> be in danger again. I’m trusting you Jaulka...I’m hoping that I’m not making a huge mistake.”</p><p> </p><p>He clenched the necklace in his long rough fingers, he couldn’t bring himself to harm her. A being so good even in the face of his distinct hatred of her species. He noticed the engraving ‘<em>keep going, PC Patel x’. </em>He could see Yaz’s discomfort at handing off the jewellery. <em>Why would she do this?</em></p><p> </p><p>“Make sure you get out of here, stay away from us at all costs…I don’t know if I’ll make the same choice next time…”</p><p> </p><p>Jaulka walked warily around the women to the door and made a quick stride to the exit, glancing back at Yaz for a second.</p><p> </p><p>“…but thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Yaz felt the need to say one last thing. He had let them go, at great risk to his own safety.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you can find peace now?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaulka gave a small smile to her, thinking the same thing. His features softened, glad of the decision he made. He shut the big door behind him and disappeared into the quiet night.</p><p> </p><p>Yaz exhaled all the air she’d been holding, finally able to relax slightly. She closed her eyes for a moment gathering all her thoughts before bending down to the Doctor. She’d been tense the entire time, her muscles ached deeply, frowning as her knees clicked. She placed one hand on the Doctors neck and one on her side curling round, steadying her to sit back against the desk. She could feel the Doctors top was soaked with sweat. Her body weak and limp, Yaz had to lean the blonde against her side to keep her upright. The Doctors head rolled onto Yaz’s shoulder, she still wasn’t able to speak but all she knew was she wanted to be near her. Yaz swaddled her with her arms, locking her fingers on her shoulder. It wasn’t the time to talk, they were both out of it, the Doctor more so. Yaz leaned her head closer and softly kissed the Time Lords silky yellow hair. A long and comforting kiss, confirming for both of them that neither of them were going anywhere. The Doctor nuzzled into the touch managing to push a little smile out, she was exactly where she needed to be…with the woman she loved.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Writing really does heal. I've missed this.<br/>Thank you to everyone who's commented on these chapters for giving me a push :) My hiatus did not make me happy but this did so another thank you ♡</p><p>I feel like a lot of the time we hide our fears until it smacks us in the face at full speed. The Doctor has definitely done that, recovering from being so vulnerable I think will be hard for them both. </p><p>Yaz protecting the Doctor when she can't herself and the Doctor coming to terms with not being ready to accept her damage.</p><p>Recovery is never easy and there will always be bumps in the road for these two but maybe together they can get through it, they're certainly stubborn enough.</p><p>I hope you like this and that maybe it helped you tune out for a while. I love the comments you all leave, really does mean a lot ♡</p><p>Please take care and remember...</p><p>"Love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have. Because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything." - The Thirteenth Doctor</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I Heard Her And I Was Helpless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yaz tells Graham.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Argh Yazzzzz....awww Grahaaam....zzzz Doctor....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Thanks for picking us up Graham."</p><p><br/>"No worries Yaz, always a phone call away for my family."</p><p><br/>Yaz had called him after half an hour of sitting with the Doctor. They both needed a moment to absorb it all before having to get up. And the Doctor was shattered so Yaz thought it best to pause for a bit, they were always constantly moving it felt nice to just sit. The museum was eerily silent as they waited for their friend. The Doctor tried to speak but Yaz could tell she really needed to rest so she halted her attempts. They held on to each other though, the Doctor grazing her thumb over Yaz's hand, apologising when she ran over her scar. </p><p>"Sorry Yaz I didn't me-"</p><p>"Hey I'm good you didn't hurt me, it doesn't hurt anymore, shut your eyes Doctor."</p><p><br/>When Graham arrived in his old car 2 hours later the Doctor, still resting on Yaz's shoulder, had her coat draped over her like a blanket. Even when the younger woman wasn't okay she still instinctively put the Doctor first, it made him swell with pride for someone who now felt like a daughter to him. She was always so selfless, it's something he always admired about her and she had been an important role model for his grandson. </p><p><br/>Graham was able to get a rough outline of what had happened to them from Yaz, it took some prodding. The teleportation, the Sinten, Jaulka and being drugged. She skirted around the Doctors episode, she wasn't sure if it was just PTSD, a panic attack, some kind of break or all three. She didn't want to think about it so she avoided his questions on the matter. Especially since she thought the Doctor would want privacy with that kind of thing, she knew she herself would. People like them guard themselves from even the closest of friends.</p><p><br/>Listening to Yaz recite everything had his eyes pooling and hands gripping the leather steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. He wished he could've helped somehow, he'd been looking after Sweetie and doing everyday things not even thinking something was wrong. The Doctor had been distant with him and Yaz had been point blank avoiding him. She'd told him to leave the last time they spoke, granted she wasn't in the best of moods but still he chose to leave them too it and he regretted it. If the past few weeks had taught him anything it was that the Doctor and Yaz were very good at hiding the true scale of things.</p><p><br/>The rest if the journey home fell into a tired silence. Yaz stopped answering Graham and the Doctor had fallen asleep almost as soon as they set off. She had her head on Yaz's lap her hair splayed out like a halo, facing the roof of the vehicle. Driving laws seemed non important at this point. Allowing Yaz to rest her hand on the Doctor's chest, she was sure to not but her weight down fully so she wouldn't irritate the burn wound.</p><p>Looking at the Doctors face so closely, she didn't want to think, she just wanted to feel the slow rise and fall of the Doctor's breathing. To know she was with her and to finally touch her at will having not being able to for so long. She couldn't help but sigh sadly at the ridge of the Doctor's collarbone under her thumb. She was so thin, her white skin pulling over her thin bones with difficulty. Yaz shut her eyes and focused on the Doctor's heart beats. <em>Boom boom boom boom.</em></p><p><br/>Graham ended up parking alongside the block of flats hoping he wouldn't get a ticket. The sight of finally being home made Yaz feel uneasy, this is where it all happened, where it went wrong. He and Yaz walked the Doctor back to where the Tardis had been left, holding her up. Graham waited in the console room while the ladies went to the Doctor's bedroom. The warmth of the Tardis was a familiar welcome, finally not feeling so cold in her leather jacket and not worrying about the Doctor's temperature.</p><p><br/>Once they made it to the bedroom Yaz gently laid the Doctor on the bed. The mattress not sinking as far as it usual would, making Yaz worry even more about the Time Lords health. She lifted her legs up and over, telling the Doctor that she needed some sleep. The blonde still quite stiff let out a grateful sigh as her head hit the silk pillow. Compared to the hard unforgiving table, it felt like a million marshmallows on her back. At least this bed wouldn't dig into her skin and leave marks. </p><p><br/>Her limbs felt like a ton of bricks as she tried to edge herself to her side, eventually needing Yaz to step in and assist her to turn over. Not that Yaz minded helping and the Doctor was too in the clouds to protest against her weakness. Yaz brushed a lock of yellow behind the Doctor's ear, the blonde crinkling her nose from the tickle. Yaz's hand scraping against a cold earring, she traced the intricate design under her index finger, taking in the Doctor's features. She looked so young yet so old. At least she knew the Doctor could finally rest and recuperate, especially healing from the multiple bruises on her back that Yaz noticed when her shirt rucked up. <em>Oh god Doctor.</em></p><p><br/>If she knew her well enough, and she certainly did, then during their time in captivity the Doctor definitely wouldn't have slept much and would have tried to ignore her injuries. She deserved all the sleep in the world, some respite from her brain going no doubt haywire on that ship. Too much time even for a time traveller, Yaz hated thinking about that. She pulled the light duvet over the Doctor's small body, tucking it in around the edges and left her in peace.</p><p>As Yaz walked towards the console room she remembered Graham still being in board. <em>He's definitely gunna want to talk.</em> She slowed her pace to be alone for a bit longer. A shiver rolled over her bones as she thought back to the bathroom. It should have been a good memory, a fantastic one.</p><p>But now the Tardis just filled her with dread, she didn't feel safe in there anymore. The place that used to feel like safe now made her hairs stand on edge. She pondered going back to check on the Doctor, would she be okay? What if they came back? But she thought not, <em>she's probably away with the fairies by now just leave her be. </em>She also felt uneasy going back near the bathroom, <em>wont be going in there anymore I guess. </em>Her trail of thought was cut short by Graham's voice on the other side of the console room.</p><p>"She'll be okay Yaz." Her face showing the worry in her heart. They both sat on the steps side by side.</p><p>"I don't think so." Yaz couldn't have looked more serious. <em>My Doctor is hurting and I can't make it stop.</em></p><p>"The Doctor's stronger than we know, she'll recover in time." </p><p>"No Graham," she took a big breath "I know she won't be." Yaz began wringing her fingers roughly on her lap leaving red lines, another bad habit to add. She couldn't look at his eyes and he picked up on it.</p><p>"I can see you're anxious Yaz, why do you think that?" He didn't want to press the subject too much, Yaz had been through crap as well but she clearly needed to let it out.</p><p>"You know how I was drugged and the Doctor wasn't-" Graham nodded, "-well, I was unconscious and I couldn't move or anything."</p><p>Graham noticed the cautious sound of Yaz's tone and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder giving a comforting squeeze and letting go. </p><p>"But I was aware the entire time, I was like a nightmare, Graham I could hear her..." Yaz started to tear up, shoulders shuddering at the memory and hands even redder than before from the pressure.</p><p>"...she talked to me constantly, she told me so many stories about her past, like if I was awake. And when she when she couldn't keep talking I could hear her crying so quietly and she would scream at the aliens if they touched me. It was horrible Graham, she was so alone...I couldn't hug her, I felt so trapped i just wanted it to stop. I would've done anything for it I-"</p><p>"Alright alright just breath cockle, just breath." He pulled her into a side hug, repeating anything he could think of to calm her down. Trying to remember what Grace would've said in this situation. <em>I'm so sorry sweetheart.</em> Yaz sobbed into his coat for a while before her tears turned to quiet sniffling, her cheeks still moist.</p><p>"Promise me you'll tell her Yaz. You don't have to suffer alone and she'll understand better than me and Ryan ever could. Just promise me."</p><p>Yaz looked up to meet Grahams kind wise eyes, <em>how does he do that. </em></p><p>"I promise."</p><p> </p><p><br/> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bit of TLC from our resident Grandad x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. It Would Be Brilliant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doctor helps Yaz open her truth and the words the universe has been waiting for are finally spoken.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Final chapter. I'm going to miss this.<br/>Inspired by Yellow by Jodie Whittaker and Fix You by Coldplay.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey Doctor can we talk? No that sounds dumb...hi you okay? Urgh no.”</p><p>Yaz had been rehearsing over and over since Graham left after their chat. She didn’t know what she’d say when the Doctor woke. Or where to begin. How could she? She felt selfish to need to express her own struggle after all it must’ve been so much worse for the Doctor, how would her experience even begin to compare.</p><p>Graham had told her that her emotions were just as important but she found it difficult to justify that. Maybe if she just let loose as soon as the Doctor was up then there wouldn’t be any time for second guessing. She did make a promise though and she never broke a promise. But the impulse to push everything to the furthest corner of her mind and bury it there was very appealing. Ignoring that particular strategy hadn’t worked very well when she was a teenager. Although to be fair nothing really went well back in those days.</p><p>She felt like she had whiplash from her own thoughts. Disclosing them all would bring yet another wall crashing down and the fear of losing the Doctor somehow through opening up made her so nauseous. She doesn’t deserve pity, or love. The captivity and kidnapping had affected her much more than she was ready for, in the moment of it she didn’t have time to process it. But now she was alone and the Doctor wasn’t going to sleep forever. </p><p><br/>Yaz felt sick to her stomach, it was too much. All of her past experiences were just influencing her present self. Questions with answers she could never find and a feeling that wouldn't shed. <em>Why? Why am I here? Why am I so weak? Does everyone feel like this? DO THEY!? </em></p><p>She felt a hand on the centre of her back, it was soft, she wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been for the voice in her head willing it. There was a fuzzy cloud feeling flowing around her brain and encompassing her mind. Her forehead untied and her jaw relaxed from clenching, the soreness fading instantly. It was familiar yet something she’d never experienced before, she leant back into the touch both physically and mentally. Perhaps she should’ve pushed away at something that was also very foreign but for some reason she felt totally and completely safe. Like swimming in a warm concoction of trust, sincerity, desire, sadness, worry but love, love...she felt love more than anything. Yaz could almost see it, even with her eyes shut. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>'Not everyone feels like that, not always.'</em>
</p><p><br/>Yaz heard the voice but felt it too, vibrating around the fringes of each neuron.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>'But I do...I feel it Yaz...almost constantly.'</em>
</p><p><br/>Yaz’s brow lifted in surprise, <em>Doctor?</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>'Don’t worry I’m just using my telepathy. Thought it might be easier to talk if we didn’t have to actually say anything, not that I don’t want to speak, I definitely do but I guess this is easier. Is that okay, if it’s not okay just close your mind like a door and I’ll stop.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'What if you see something you don't like Doctor?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'There's no such thing with you. I want you to know I'm always here. And how thankful I am.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'What do you mean?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'I guess what happened back at the museum, I'm not sure what it was. I just knew you would keep me safe, stop me from-. If you weren't there I-...just thank you Yaz.'</em>
</p><p><br/>A sort of boldness or comfort took over Yaz, she could say everything she wanted to without having to look into the Doctor’s eyes. And the palm on her back gave her the backbone she desperately needed right now. Yaz opened every door...every single door, ugly and pretty, big or small. From running away to the moors of Sheffield to platting Sonya's hair for her 8th birthday party. The despair she felt after leaving the library after their fight and all the times she went to ask the Doctor for help only to freak out last second. The first time she entered the Tardis marvelling at it’s ridiculous wonder to the first time her hand grazed the Doctors sending butterflies fluttering up her spine. Being kidnapped and her desperation to help the Doctor but being trapped. Yaz let her know. She put on a collage of every memory she’d ever had, some she didn’t know existed. Ignoring the discomfort at some of the things she was revealing, but it was all her. She wanted to show the Doctor, show her who she really was. How brightly Yazmin Khan could shine and how deep her trenches truly ran. </p><p><br/>The Doctor felt her cheeks wetten, the fact Yaz was letting all of her in, every ounce. Drinking her in all she wanted to do was hold her. Show her...really properly actually show her just how much she loved her and god did she love her so freaking much. Yaz must’ve sensed it somehow, or maybe their consciences had started to flood into one another but she felt her move. Her hand falling to her side the Doctor flicked her eyes open.</p><p>The look she could see on Yaz’s face...the only word was beautiful. They knew all of each other now, nothing was hidden and they were free. They didn’t need to constantly try and impress the other or skirt around hard situations with emotional destruction hanging over their heads. Yaz cautiously placed her hand on the Doctors waist, moving slowly still a little worried that playing her life story might have actually frightened the Time Lord because the Doctor’s face was unreadable. She seemed like she was going to burst into tears at the same time as give the biggest cheesiest grin in the history of all grins. What it really was...admiration, adoration, absolute acceptance. She wanted her, not just the outer bravado but the damaged kind heart too. Three hearts all as one like some kind of triangle to create the most amazing and pure flame. A torch to lead them somewhere new, somewhere better, somewhere like home.</p><p><br/>“Yazmin Khan I-, I lo-...I LOVE YOU! OH STARS I LOVE YOU!”</p><p>Her face lit up, eyes welling up even more, her hearts pumping in her chest.</p><p><br/>“Doctor...”</p><p>Yaz couldn’t wait, she didn’t want to. She went in for it.</p><p><br/>Their lips crashed together with pure passion, Yaz’s softness pushing against the Doctor’s tear stained mouth. All of time and space seemed to halt frozen in this moment. Yaz’s left hand made contact with the others hip, gripping with desire. Her own tears started to flow, bleeding into the Doctors. Emotions shot wide awake, everything intensified. The Doctor put her palms over Yaz's cheeks, rubbing her jaw line with a tentative thumb, not even trying to wipe her tears away because these were happy ones. She pulled Yaz in even deeper, their tongues touched and began moving in sync making both of their knees weaken. Yaz's body dipped slightly, the weight of kissing the Doctor making her melt into a puddle.</p><p>The Doctor moved her right hand to cup the brunettes lower back to keep her up, she didn’t want it to end. She never wanted to let go of her ever again, not even for the breath her lungs were desperately demanding. Not even her respiratory bypass could help at this point. Not when all she could think of was Yaz's body pushed up against her. <em>Yaz</em>. She moaned into their mouths and through her mind. Her telepathy unconsciously connecting them through her hand which had made it’s way up Yaz’s shirt, their skin flushing. A heavy sigh forcing it’s way against the Doctor’s breath coming from inside Yaz’s throat. Feeling the Doctor’s cold fingers on her back and more settling on her neck. Her composure unfolding quickly and carelessly, she was ready and willing and the Doctor could hear exactly what she was thinking. If the brunettes tugging of her clothes hadn’t given her enough of a cue.</p><p>Yaz broke the touch first, a thought springing up reminding her of what she was going to do before the pull of the Doctor became too much. Hands still firmly attached, she wasn’t going to let go anytime soon but she needed to say something out loud. Gasping at the sudden release the Doctor looked into her warm eyes, there weren’t any walls anymore. It was just Yaz, more Yaz then she'd ever seen.</p><p>Speaking it into reality was very different than the Doctor just seeing it over and over again in her head. The words needed to be given over to the woman she wanted more than life itself. All that was left was for Yaz herself to say it.</p><p>“Doctor...I love you too.”</p><p>She wasn’t scared of it now...and it was awesome.</p><p><br/>The smiles on both their faces encapsulated those words forever. The Doctor and Yaz. Two people, three hearts, one soul. And the whole of time and space waiting for them and it would be <em>brilliant.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for everyone who has come along and read this fanfic. You have made me a very happy person and I can't convey that enough honestly. <br/>I'm really sad it's done but I felt like it was the right time to end it. And hopefully I did it well. <br/>Thank you ALL ! ♡</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was meant to be fluffy. But lockdown has gotten to my head.<br/>EDIT: Thank you for the kudos ya'll &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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